Tag Archives: WASHINGTON

Lotts of Washington Action

WASHINGTON – Workaholism continues to be in style in Washington as Nancy Pelosi’s Democrats go all out to prove that they are do-something legislators. Lush For Life could not get an interview with Pelosi this week, but Minority Whip Republican Trent Lott had time to talk to us. (more…)

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It’s All About Us!

WASHINGTON, DC – A special Grand Jury has been convened, and will sit on Monday to hear details of the case against Uriel Smart and Ophelia Payne, arraigned on treason charges for supporting the radical new doctrine of Terracentrism. To anyone who looks at the world logically (like Bill O’Reilly), it is clear that the […]

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NASA Discovers Origins of Woman

“WASHINGTON – The permafrost in the Arctic Circle is melting and releasing methane gasses into the atmosphere, accelerating global warming a lot faster than expected. Global warming threatens the environment and the wooly-minded comfort zones of creationists and Bush-huggers alike, but is it an immediate threat to the international economy? Yes, because the melting glaciers […]

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Doctored Photos Flood Associated Press

“WASHINGTON – Badly Photoshop‘d photographs have been appearing everywhere, lately, from the Israel/Lebanon debacle to Katie Couric’s fat chipmunk cheeks. Blame is being doled out to many, including hackers for making the usually expensive Photoshop program free for all, and to bored politicos trying to make disasters and wars seem better or worse. Even high-profile […]

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Elite Senate And Congress With DNA Guarantee

WASHINGTON – As the November 2006 elections approach, Congress is calling an emergency session to pass legislation requiring Senate and House candidates to undergo DNA testing. (more…)

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Terrorists To Patrol Border

WASHINGTON – In a surprise announcement, the Bush administration has released plans to solve both the raging border protection and immigration debate, as well as the international outcry over the treatment of detainees at the Guantanamo Bay detention center. (more…)

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Republican Party Votes To Outlaw Guns

WASHINGTON – The GOP showed its true colors, Monday, when it voted to outlaw guns in a shocking repeal of the 4th Amendment. To liberal-minded freethinkers, it at first seemed a true breathe of fresh air and victory, as the Republican Party accepted its first lost round in a long, long boxing match. Democrats everywhere […]

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The Contagious Rainbow

WASHINGTON – A year after September 11th, nine Army linguists were dismissed from the military because of their sexual orientation. At a time when the military was struggling to recruit Arabic speakers, as it still is, these were vital losses. But General Cunningham, head of a new top-priority military operation, insists that these were essential […]

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White House Issues Cease-And-Desist Letter To The Onion

WASHINGTON – The White House, residence of the present resident president, is apparently not amused by the humor site’s use of the Presidential Seal on a parody of a presidential radio broadcast. The Onion, a site much like LushForLife.com, only less funny, has been a long upstanding member of the fake news industry and a […]

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Genetalia Found On White House Lawn

WASHINGTON – A daily wire report submitted to LushForLife.com by The Washington Post has reported that a pile of a dozen or so severed penises, presumably once belonging to young boys, judging by their size, were found resting within a heavy duty garbage bag on the front steps of the White House yesterday morning. As […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]