Tag Archives: Wal Mart

Breaking The Constitution

The Military Commissions Act gives Mr. Bush what the U.S. Supreme Court greedily denied him: the right to do basically anything to anyone the Administration deems a terrorist, and ban Internet gambling… which makes total sense. Many Libs are screaming (though not too loudly) that this is a violation of the U.S. Constitution, completely missing […]

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Safety Concerns Assume Control Of American Life

BENTONVILLE, AZ – Corporate executives at Wal-Mart Headquarters in Bentonville have released their business’s new approach to dealing with public safety for the upcoming business quarter. The growing concerns of the overall safety of customers shopping at Wal-Mart have, apparently, reached the point where something had to be done, according to Wal-Mart president and CEO […]

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The Debaucherous Quest For The Xbox 360, Part 2

TAMPA, FL – I took a walk down Dale Mabry Highway to the liquor store so I could stock up & regroup while coming up with a new master plan to acquire one of these pesky brain-numbing devices. A brisk pace through the stark Tampa streets in the moist air that is Southern November can […]

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Pre-menstrual Syndrome Induces Werewolfism

BUFFALO – Newly wed Henry Lancaster, an unemployed beer distributor, was mutilated by his wife of one month, Linda Lancaster, in his Buffalo, NY home Wednesday night. Henry, like many other borderline retard Americans, was quietly watching his favorite VH1 reality show Hogan Knows Best when suddenly he was viciously attacked and maimed by his […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]