Tag Archives: United States

“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. Petersburg Florida as the most depressing place to live and Tampa coming in close at third, Men’s Health magazine has been ranked as the Worst Magazine in the US. The saddest city article was based […]

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Supreme Court Shuts Down

WASHINGTON – Last Thursday, the Roberts Court handed down a landmark decision that effectively quashed the desegregation plans of hundreds of public school systems all across the United States. Writing for the majority opinion, Chief Justice John Roberts said that race should not be used in anyway, either for positive or negative outcomes, as a […]

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Benoit Slayings Bring Down Soloflex, WWE

FAYETTEVILLE, GA – In response to the double murder-suicide slayings committed by Chris Benoit last week, Benoit’s family members filed several civil lawsuits against Soloflex, Inc., and World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) and majority shareholder Vince McMahon, according to an anonymous family member of Benoit. (more…)

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Blair Denied Green Card

Ever since British Prime Minister Tony Blair played a key role in championing President Bush’s invasion of Iraq, his popularity in Britain has been falling. The man whose drive and popularity orchestrated “New Labour’s” resurgence against the British Conservatives ten years ago now finds himself the cause of Labour electoral losses all over the country. […]

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Colony Collapse Disorder Cause Discovered

Across the United States, honeybee colonies are disappearing. Some beekeepers are reporting drops in colony populations as much as 25 percent and panic is starting to rise in the throats of economists, ecologists, and entomologists. As trivial as declining bee numbers appears to be on the surface, the reality is that honeybees are used to […]

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You Don’t Give A Shit About The Value Of The Dollar

[Lush For Life’s Economics Correspondent Edward Payne first submitted this story to Forbes Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Bloomberg Report, The San Francisco Chronicle, The St. Pete Times, The Tampa Bay Business Journal, In the Loop, The Carrollwood Times, The New Tampa Neighborhood News, The Gazette, The Idlewild Baptist Church Newsletter, and The Coffee […]

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The Amazing State Of The Union

Ah, January. Those sweltering Florida nights, those cool North Eastern ice storms, and those mild Illinois Winters – weather as weird and nonsensical as the political climate, and by no means less dangerous. (more…)

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Anxiety Attacks Trigger Acid Flashbacks

OMAHA – As the days of fear and reckoning expand outwards on a United States people filled with dread and anxiety of terrorist attacks, tainted water, and smoggy air, the number of hallucinogenic flashbacks has increased amongst hippies and philosophers alike.   Camera salesman Burt Langolier of Blitz Camera in Omaha experienced a psychedelic freak […]

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Mark Levin Is A Faggot Pederast

“NEW YORK – Conservative god Mark Levin, referred to as F. Lee Levin by fellow RNC suck-up and hypocrite Rush Limbaugh, was caught in a toilet stall at Yankee Stadium giving fellatio to a thirteen-year-old mongoloid on Tuesday, according to a NYPD insider. Bill Sterling, who wished to remain anonymous, made the report, but not […]

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Military Enrollment Strategies Prove Effective

“QUANTICO, VA – With voluntary military enrollment numbers declining at an ever-increasing rapid rate, high ranking officials of the United States Marine Corps are attempting to develop new and exciting ways of encouraging the uneducated, hopeless masses of the numb-skulled American youth – and sometimes referred to as The New Hitler Youth of Bushian Rebirth […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]