Tag Archives: Tom Cruise

LushForLife.com Turns One

Dearest Reader, In the turbulent world that is independent Internet satire, a year is a long, long time. A lot has happened as LushForLife.com looks forward to its first anniversary, next Tuesday. Children have been born, icons have died, wars have begun, and the great debate of the superior sports star has sparked. Zombies invaded, […]

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Risky Business

CLEARWATER,FL – Tom Cruise announced, today, that he plans on eating both the umbilical cord and placenta after Katie Holmes gives birth to their child. Since no doctor in their right mind would ever let him, or any man, for that matter, do this, TomKat plans to give birth to their child in the privacy […]

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Tom Cruise Saves The World From Evil, Giant, Super-Intelligent, Anal-Retentive Minotaurs From The Planet Neptune

CLEARWATER, FL – For millions of years, evil, giant, super-intelligent, anal-retentive minotaurs have inhabited the planet Neptune, plotting the Earth’s destruction, unbeknownst to us. However, there is one human on the planet Earth who had the wherewithal to foresee this tragedy, and set out to make certain that the world will always be safe from […]

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The Greatest Fairy Tale Ever Told: Scientology

Not since the Lord of the Rings trilogy, or even Star Wars, has a better figment of someone’s imagination made its way onto paper. Scientology is by far the best and most imaginative heap of nonsense I have ever heard in my entire life. I would put its caliber of creativity and sheer “wackoness“, if […]

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Actor Tom Cruise Found Onboard Space Shuttle Discovery

JOHNSON SPACE CENTER, HOUSTON – World renowned actor and Scientologist Tom Cruise was discovered onboard the space shuttle Discovery by crew members during their ascent into space, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration said yesterday. Discovery Shuttle Commander Steve Robinson reported to the Space Center Houston that the actor was found fully naked, except for […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]