Aries: The poops you take this month will be the best poops ever! Every trip to the toilet will be a wonderful trip to Happy-Poopy-Magic-Land. Each piece of poop will be approximately six inches long and 3 inches in diameter. Your sphincter muscles will seem to cooperate in an almost supernatural way as they allow […]
Tag Archives: PM
January Horoscopes
Aries: Your life is gay this month. Taurus: On January 29th, at exactly 10:42 PM, the police will knock on your door. When you open the door, they will begin to ask you questions regarding a murder in the neighborhood. You won’t be able to answer any of their questions, and they will leave, only […]
November Horoscopes
Aries: You have Bird Flu. Sorry. Better luck next time. Taurus: In a bizarre science experiment, you will crossbreed a horse and a wolf. You will dub this new creature with the name “worse.” It will be really fucking cool. (more…)
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