“HYANNIS PORT, MA – Christmas has come under fire from all sides again this season as Green Party faggots try their best to hide Christmas trees in the closet, wedged tightly between the Ten Commandments and their sexuality. However, the assault has proven multi-tiered this year, as some traditionally Jesus-hating, limp-wristed liberals are pretending to […]
Tag Archives: Fox News
Anxiety Attacks Trigger Acid Flashbacks
OMAHA – As the days of fear and reckoning expand outwards on a United States people filled with dread and anxiety of terrorist attacks, tainted water, and smoggy air, the number of hallucinogenic flashbacks has increased amongst hippies and philosophers alike. Camera salesman Burt Langolier of Blitz Camera in Omaha experienced a psychedelic freak […]
Lush For Life (Formerly LushForLife.com) Declares Bankruptcy, Defeat In Wake Of Mid-term Elections
“TAMPA – As the polls closed, Tuesday night, a somber, depressing fog rolled into Lush For Life headquarters. We all knew that our time had come. The end of the road was in sight, and some of us, the more delusional ones, knew that or demise was of our own doing. Years of bashing, trashing, […]
The Scientology Project
“LONDON – I, like all upstanding English folk, went out and bought the Sunday paper on a crisp morning not too long ago. That paper was to change my life forever. Squeezed between an article about the ludicrous amount of money that British Aerospace Systems are making due to lucrative U.S. arms contracts and another […]
A Dose Of Reality For Card-Carrying Democrats
“I had a call from my old friend Juan on Friday. He said he had good tofu curry, decent wine, and had had some sort of political epiphany. I was skeptical, but went downtown to see what it was about. Juan may be a drug dealer, but the boy’s an idealist – with a PhD […]
Jesus and Liberal Bias
“LUSHFORLIFE.COM HEADQUARTERS, TAMPA – When I began my tenure as a correspondent for LushForLife.com, I truly believed that I was working for the world’s second-least-biased news source. Having my repeated attempts to become a copywriter for Fox News thwarted by so-called lack of experience, I settled for a position here. Until the recent “”Jesus has […]
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We don't do Lush For Life anymore, but if you miss emus and stupidity, we're doing this.
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