Tag Archives: CEO

Cheney Doctrine Adds To Sunshine Skyway Lure

“My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with,” said Harry Whittington, after the Veep shot him in the face. But Dick Cheney’s latest victim has refused to apologize, after the Vice President’s theories took her to the top of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge […]

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Run Up To The Coming War With Canada

To those of our citizens, and others in the international community who have been assaulted by the hysterical reactions of the leftists to the impending invasion of Canada, I feel an obligation to put things in perspective: a look at the Big Picture. A little recent American history may help explain why the New World […]

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Merrill Lynch Lynched

NEW YORK – In the wake of wild and still ongoing stock market drops, hordes of angry investors have descended upon lower Manhattan in an apparent expression of spontaneous rage. The collective action seems to have no leader, no motto, and no plan, save the wreaking of vengeance upon the large investment banks that the […]

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Google Buys LushForLife.com, Everything Else

“MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – After devouring the popular Internet free-porn video site YouTube for $1.65 billion, on Monday, Google officials figured, “”Hey, fuck it,”” and bought everything else in the known cosmos, including the offices of LushForLife.com. “”I don’t really know how much it’s actually going to change things, though,”” said me, Dr. Egbert Souse, […]

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NAMBLA Merges With Bad Boy Entertainment To Form A New Boy Band/Reality Show

BOSTON – The infamous North American Man/Boy Love Association announced, today, that they will be teaming up with Bad Boy Entertainment CEO P. Diddy in efforts to launch a new MTV reality show. The premise of the show will be to take five Caucasian, sexually confused adolescents and put them through a series of rigorous […]

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Safety Concerns Assume Control Of American Life

BENTONVILLE, AZ – Corporate executives at Wal-Mart Headquarters in Bentonville have released their business’s new approach to dealing with public safety for the upcoming business quarter. The growing concerns of the overall safety of customers shopping at Wal-Mart have, apparently, reached the point where something had to be done, according to Wal-Mart president and CEO […]

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New Poll Gives New Validity To Polls

IRVINE, CA – Results of the latest poll conducted by the Gallup Organization has revealed that the majority of people in the United States feel that most people believe that poll results are meaningful. Several polls were conducted amongst men and women in various age groups and races, designed to receive a broad, general consensus […]

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LushForLife.com Shake-up!

TAMPA – Once again, the pressroom at LushForLife.com has been forced to bear the brunt of a hostile corporate takeover, shifting the entire staff around in order to save a few pennies here and a few pennies there. (more…)

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Latest Poll Suggests Call Center Jobs Reach Boiling Point

WASHINGTON – The results from the most recent Gallup poll indicates that approximately ninety percent of those eligible to work in the United States are currently employed by various call centers across the country. Consequently, executives at large companies who employ thousands in call centers are finding there is no longer an active outgoing call […]

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Intel-IBM-Apple Gay Love Triangle

SILICON VALLEY, CA – Was the decision for Apple to move from IBM to Intel chips purely a business move? New photos leaked exclusively to LushForLife.com may prove foul play. The graphic images show Apple (and more recently, Ikea) CEO Steven Jobs, in numerous compromising positions with another man. “The (unidentified) man is actually an […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]