I was hiding from the Editor in the basement stairwell, when he appeared beside me and started eating the sub I was saving for lunch. “Gale,” he said in that gentle voice we all hate more than his roar. “I want a story about the people who still support Bush.” I breathed a sigh of [...]
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Life After Harry
It has been a month now since the dust settled after the final, frantic charge of millions to get their clammy hands on the concluding installment of the bifocaled boy-wizard’s adventures. As the last of the particularly slow readers lay down Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the realization that life has been forever changed [...]
Cheney Doctrine Adds to Sunshine Skyway Lure
“My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with,” said Harry Whittington, after the Veep shot him in the face. But Dick Cheney’s latest victim has refused to apologize, after the Vice President’s theories took her to the top of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge [...]
America: The Best Wife in the World!
The Editor went roaring though the Lush For Life offices looking for an unoccupied writer. I panicked. I don’t know why I hide under my desk, because it’s the first place he looks. “Did you see the Bill Maher stand-up special?” he demanded. “He was saying that Americans believe that we are the ‘best country [...]
Danny’s Sports Box
Making Gaines with spoiled Rice… The Tampa Bay Buccaneers made another questionable roster move last week, presumably to further entrench themselves as the most poorly run organization in the entire NFL, releasing perennial Pro-Bowl defensive end Simeon Rice, reportedly due to a failed physical upon arriving at training camp in Lake Buena Vista, FL. The [...]
1,000,000 Dead
1,000,000 people died today. It was bad. The police are really mad. People’s families have been crying a lot. Some of the people who were killed were children, but most of them were adults. They cannot come back to life. Their bodies will be buried in the ground; some of them will be cremated.
Vick Brings Animal-Fighting to Popular Culture
RICHMOND, VA – As alleged dog-fighting conspirator and Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick sat in court for his arraignment alongside his high-priced legal defense team last Thursday, thoughts of his once underground and seedy Virginia dog-fighting ring were not far from his mind. While the accused murderer of canines awaited decision on his court date, [...]
Run Up to the Coming War with Canada
To those of our citizens, and others in the international community who have been assaulted by the hysterical reactions of the leftists to the impending invasion of Canada, I feel an obligation to put things in perspective: a look at the Big Picture. A little recent American history may help explain why the New World [...]
Former Stars Implicated in Donaghy Gambling Scandal
WASHINGTON – The FBI has accumulated new facts in their investigation of former National Basketball Association referee Tim Donaghy, who was alleged to have participated in sports gambling and point-shaving in the games he worked as an official from 2005-07. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper, who heads the Donaghy investigation, said to Lush For Life [...]
Al-Qaeda Behind Housing Slowdown
Over the past few weeks, as Republicans have started to abandon the Iraq war in droves, the Bush administration has been going to great lengths to explain to the public how winning the War in Iraq is integral to winning the War on Terror. Despite CIA and National Intelligence Estimate reports to the contrary, administration [...]
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You Don’t Give a Shit About the Value of the Dollar
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Entire Republican Party Stricken with Cancer
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NFL Suicide Conspiracy Uncovered
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Increase Your Metabolism Fast!
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