No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only its 11th season, has found itself ranked #18 in both the Associated Press Top 25 poll and the USA Today Coach’s Poll, the highest ranking the school has enjoyed in its young history… and just in time for the #5 ranked West Virginia Mountaineers to come to town. USF saw their ranking surprisingly rise in both polls from 23 to 18 after dismantling Butch Davis’ mediocre North Carolina Tar Heels squad 37-10 Saturday at Raymond James Stadium. Don’t get too excited about that 18 ranking, just yet, USF fans… a #5 versus #18 looks a lot better than a #5 versus #23. That said, the Bulls do have a solid chance at knocking off the Big East frontrunners for a second year in a row, with a stifling defense that should be able to keep WVU’s vaunted triumvirate running attack of Pat White, Steve Slaton, and Noel Devine in check. If they can force White to pass, the Bulls may be staring another victory against a top 10 opponent in the face… Continue Reading

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets play callers during the first week of the NFL season by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, have received attention from not only the panorama of the NFL, but also the George W. Bush White House.
After being forced to hand over all of the materials and information gathered from stealing opposing team’s defensive signals, Patriots coach Bill Belichick received an unexpected guest at team headquarters. Continue Reading

GREEN BAY, WI – In the wake of the Green Bay Packers come-from-behind victory over the San Diego Chargers at Lambeau Field on Sunday, Packers quarterback Brett Favre offered his usual parting words during a post game press conference.
“I am the greatest,” Favre said smugly, “and it is finally almost official.” Continue Reading

Not a Vick-tim… In a statement made by NAACP President Dennis Courtland Hayes on Thursday, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick “is not a victim,” and “should be held accountable.” Hayes also said Vick should be welcomed back to the Falcons and the community after his prison sentence is completed. As far as L4L is concerned, Michael Vick should never play another down of football, even if he is black and has a civil rights group backing him. Just imagine what the response would be if Brett Favre killed a bunch of dogs… Continue Reading

NEW YORK – As the forthcoming NFL football season approaches, professional football junkies, fantasy league participants, gambling degenerates, and stats fiends have found themselves in a belligerent frenzy for kickoff weekend spreads, and have become waiting sponges for info on third-string flier backups and their stat lines in all-night ESPN viewing binges. With so much speculation surrounding every team, division, and conference every year, Lush For Life has decided to lend a helping hand to all of those for whom this applies (this writer being one), as we have gone out of our way to detail how the looming season will unfold. Keep this article in your draft kits, fantasy footballers… and to those who don’t participate in such trivial, nonsensical indulgences, simply read and enjoy. Continue Reading

Making Gaines with spoiled Rice… The Tampa Bay Buccaneers made another questionable roster move last week, presumably to further entrench themselves as the most poorly run organization in the entire NFL, releasing perennial Pro-Bowl defensive end Simeon Rice, reportedly due to a failed physical upon arriving at training camp in Lake Buena Vista, FL. The move comes following the signing of first-round pick D-lineman Gaines Adams, who is considered the eventual successor to Rice’s pass-rushing position. Though Rice was coming off shoulder surgery which ended his season last year in week 9, and the team was aware Rice’s rehabilitation was likely going to spill into training camp, the Bucs still released him due to his health. Continue Reading

RICHMOND, VA – As alleged dog-fighting conspirator and Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick sat in court for his arraignment alongside his high-priced legal defense team last Thursday, thoughts of his once underground and seedy Virginia dog-fighting ring were not far from his mind. While the accused murderer of canines awaited decision on his court date, the defendant’s publicists were entrenched in attempting to restore the maligned quarterback’s image in the eyes of the public, releasing this statement exclusively to Lush For Life’s senior on-site correspondent Arthur Rocks: Continue Reading

WASHINGTON – The FBI has accumulated new facts in their investigation of former National Basketball Association referee Tim Donaghy, who was alleged to have participated in sports gambling and point-shaving in the games he worked as an official from 2005-07. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper, who heads the Donaghy investigation, said to Lush For Life correspondent and Las Vegas high-roller Arthur Rocks that the disgraced referee has accumulated several significant gambling debts to a number of prominent high-stakes gamblers and former athletes, including Michael Jordan and God Election ‘07 candidate Charles Barkley. Continue Reading

Oden an omen… With the first selection in the 2007 NBA Draft, the Portland Trail Blazers drafted Greg Oden, a seven-foot monster center from Ohio State. Oden is heralded as the best big-man to enter the league since the likes of future Hall of Fame locks Shaquille O’Neal and Tim Duncan, and was the clear-cut obvious choice to go number one, even over the freakishly awesome Kevin Durant. The pick marks the first time the Blazers have done something right in over a decade, but it didn’t occur without some deliberation. Team management contemplated trading the pick to Orlando for so-far bust forward Darko Milicic, and when that fell through, thought about trading the pick to the New York Knicks for cash, which they would use to purchase the rights to Khalid Sheikh Mohammed from the US military base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. After attempts to acquire Mohammed fell through, the team decided to go ahead and select Oden. He may not have been their first choice, but they may get a few NBA championships out of it, anyway… Continue Reading

FAYETTEVILLE, GA – In response to the double murder-suicide slayings committed by Chris Benoit last week, Benoit’s family members filed several civil lawsuits against Soloflex, Inc., and World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) and majority shareholder Vince McMahon, according to an anonymous family member of Benoit.
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