Lush For Life

DURHAM, NC – A recent experiment conducted at Duke University has revealed that the disease Dude-broism, which was once believed to be only transmitted genetically, can begin to develop in the human brain from over-consumption of Anheuser-Busch’s alcoholic beverage Budweiser.

VALRICO, FL – Ku Klux Klan, Inc. hit the ground running in their 21st century switch to capitalism and technology. Their new Double Zero Voice Recognition and Call Routing Software (00VRS) has doubled the value of their shares on the NY Stock Exchange since its initial offering. Medical and other insurers are lining up to [...]

HEAVEN – The American Christian community was shocked, yesterday, at a press release issued from New Jerusalem. God’s spokesperson issued a statement coming out strongly against Intelligent Design. The release stated that The Lord Our God and his board of directors were finally sick and tired of being insulted by the idea that they would [...]

BALTIMORE – Doctors at Johns Hopkins University have come out with a press release, Tuesday, stating that calcium deficiency in children is causing many more problems than brittle bones, including near-sightedness, clubbed fingers, brain matter loss, and testicular cancer.

CHAPEL HILL, NC – In a press conference Wednesday, biologist Dr. Gerald F. Takemura and psychologist Dr. Francine Holmesworth-Meyer released the findings of a groundbreaking study in the new field of “Dude-broism.” The findings of the study indicate that “Dude-broism” in males is inherited maternally and those that suffer from this condition, or “Dude-bros,” are [...]

BARCELONA, SPAIN – In a landmark discovery, this week, scientists at the University of Barcelona have come to realize that the original measurement for the millimeter (mm) was calculated incorrectly when it was originally developed a long, long time ago. The ramifications of this, of course, are huge, as now every measurement, calculation and prediction [...]

PITTSBURGH – Scientists at the University of Pittsburgh made a ground breaking discovery last week. After extensive research, they came to the conclusion that seven out of ten (urban) new born children are being born with lungs almost incapable of breathing oxygen. A new mutant race of children called Ashtrayan Americans is surviving on a [...]

NORFOLK, VA – The price of middle-aged angst just keeps going up. Menopausal baby-boomers sometimes find that Prozac and Xanax are not enough to ease their course through the rocky passages of empty-nest suburbia. But when they ask their HMOs for help, they get nothing. Wenwei Bleak of Norfolk, VA, recently received notice from Aetna [...]

TAMPA, FL – It’s official: everything is stupid. On Thursday, July 10, 2005, Dr. C. Carl Kent, a professor at the University of South Florida with a PhD in psychology, scientifically proved that literally everything is stupid. Kent actually administered IQ tests on anything and everything he could get his hands on to evaluate the [...]

SILICON VALLEY, CA – Was the decision for Apple to move from IBM to Intel chips purely a business move? New photos leaked exclusively to LushForLife.com may prove foul play. The graphic images show Apple (and more recently, Ikea) CEO Steven Jobs, in numerous compromising positions with another man. “The (unidentified) man is actually an [...]