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Ester-C: The New Ecstasy

TAMPA – By now, we have all heard Larry King’s ads for the super-vitamin, Ester-C. It is marketed to the old and the feeble (usually mutually exclusive), and is pimped between Paul Harvey segments. (more…)

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Florida Gator Attacks Linked To Douchebagism

LUTZ, FL – In the ongoing media feeding frenzy that is the latest sensationalized sub-par journalistic pig’s vomit, alligators are this season’s avian-flu, with bags and shoes to match. The continuous flow of dangers described to us by an obviously concerned, albeit psychotic media, have started to sound weak, even to the most paranoid press-passer. […]

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Creation Science Explains Red Tide, Road Rage

NORFOLK, VA – Creation science looks to move from the category of alleged “meta-science” to full-fledged science, this week, with the release of a series of profound studies. In a lecture at Liberty University entitled The One, Well Documented, Objective, Truly Legitimate View of the Beginning of Time, Dr. Walt Brown, MIT graduate and author […]

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Elite Senate And Congress With DNA Guarantee

WASHINGTON – As the November 2006 elections approach, Congress is calling an emergency session to pass legislation requiring Senate and House candidates to undergo DNA testing. (more…)

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Gaia Theory Becomes Fact

MALAYSIA – Divers have made an orgasmic discovery off the coast of Malaysia. LushForLife.com rushed me out on the Lear jet to find out more. “It is amazing,” said Sunny, from Sunlight Divers. “I have been diving here for seven years and I never realized…” (more…)

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Black Hole Found By Students In Ohio

AKRON, OHIO – A black hole was discovered by a group of University of Akron fine art students in Akron, Ohio, late Sunday night, early Monday morning, inside of a dumpster behind the Brew Thru liquor store. (more…)

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Windows Vista Delayed… Again

REDMOND, WA – In an announcement that shocked the technology sector today, the Garter research company predicted that Microsoft‘s revolutionary new upgrade to the Windows line of operating systems, Vista, might be delayed again. (more…)

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Are Dolphins As Smart As You Think?

MIAMI – A new study performed at the University of Miami has scientists flustered, leaving more questions about the intelligence quotient of dolphins than ever before. The crazed series of events took place in Leveringtonshire, a small suburb of the large Florida city. (more…)

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Photography Giants To Develop Ultimate Tripod

MELVILLE, NY – A news leak out of Nikon Headquarters in Melville, New York, has revealed a new project the camera manufacturer, in conjunction with fellow photography industry leader Canon, Inc. has set into action to develop the world’s first completely steady, perfected tripod. (more…)

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Gates And Bono Behind The Google ‘Compromise’

YORBA LINDA, CA – You can hear it around the water fountain in any office in America – or at nearly any “adult” social event. Mention a national problem, and the actual (or covert) message is like a heartbeat: shuddup, shuddup, shuddup… (more…)

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]