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NASA Discovers Origins of Woman

“WASHINGTON – The permafrost in the Arctic Circle is melting and releasing methane gasses into the atmosphere, accelerating global warming a lot faster than expected. Global warming threatens the environment and the wooly-minded comfort zones of creationists and Bush-huggers alike, but is it an immediate threat to the international economy? Yes, because the melting glaciers […]

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Mathematics: Cause Of Rainforest Destruction

“LORETO, PERU – The main cause of the continuing destruction of the world’s rainforests was discovered, Monday, by an outraged Pennsylvania State University student. PSU student Parker Ramis stumbled across his jaw-dropping discovery while engaged in the middle of solving an algebraic equation. “”I had reached my fifth sheet of paper, and still had more […]

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Doctored Photos Flood Associated Press

“WASHINGTON – Badly Photoshop‘d photographs have been appearing everywhere, lately, from the Israel/Lebanon debacle to Katie Couric’s fat chipmunk cheeks. Blame is being doled out to many, including hackers for making the usually expensive Photoshop program free for all, and to bored politicos trying to make disasters and wars seem better or worse. Even high-profile […]

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Celestial Uproar

“PRAGUE – In a shocking announcement, Thursday, the International Astronomical Union demoted the ninth planet, Pluto, to the lowly status of “”dwarf planet””. For 76 years, the small chunk of rock and ice with the wobbly orbit was part of the prestigious planetary club, but has now been knocked from it’s dizzying heights and dropped […]

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Scientists Discover Living Relative Of Homo-Sapien

“LOS ANGELES – In a ground breaking doctoral thesis, UCLA PhD Student Alex Moore claims he and fellow researchers have discovered a living relative of modern humans. Dubbed Homo-Hauliris by the team of Moore, two of his professors, and three Master’s students, the “”living fossil”” may be the single most significant scientific discovery of the […]

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Woo-suk Big Time

Scientist Hwang Woo-suk denied, Tuesday, that he had spent research funds for personal use and said part of the money was used in attempts to clone mammoths, extinct relatives of today’s elephants. In a news conference held inside the atrium of the brand new elephant exhibit within the cavernous halls of the 2 million dollar […]

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Ireland Pushes or Space Program

“I get my top secret NASA files and head into the meeting room. I crack the seal to the folder and take my first look for the meaning of the trip. It seems that Ireland wants to create an Irish International Space Association (IISA). This must be why sent me, as I am the […]

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AIDS Linked To Vegetarianism

BERKLEY, CA – AIDS research scientists have made a new discovery in the origin of AIDS and the HIV virus. After extensive research, scientists have come to the conclusion that AIDS was put into animals by God to punish vegetarians for having mature, adult love for animals; and, of course, for being gay. This is […]

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Genetic Cause Of Down’s Syndrome Discovered

STANFORD, CA – In a landmark study released, today, in the scientific journal Neuron, scientists announced the discovery of the gene responsible for Down’s syndrome. People with Down’s syndrome have three copies of chromosome 21, instead of the normal two – this is called “”trisomy 21″”.‘s own hung-over, recovering addict Senior Staff Writer Danny […]

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Update of Mac OS X Features Famous Voices

CUPERTINO, CA – In a press release, Wednesday, CEO of Apple Computers Steve Jobs revealed his company’s plans on implementing the real voices of several adored and beloved celebrities into the newest update of the Mac OS X Tiger operating system. The update will feature several modifications and upgrades, including a collection of famous voices […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro


This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]