Lush For Life » Opinion

Dear America, We Still Like You – Love Europe

Johnny Gonzales — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 00:48:56 +0000

I feel for you my American cousins; I really do. If this is your chosen reading material, then you may well have heard of far off places outside the Bay Area, like Scotland, Albania, or Tunisia, you may even be able to find such places on a map. You might be capable of conceiving that there are people who have never eaten at KFC’s, girls who have never dreamed of being a cheerleader for their local college team or boys who have no idea what a tailgate is. This article is for you, people.
Thanks to events that have been out of your control, there are many folks who don’t like you. A global community has rallied together in their anger and sadness at the events and actions since 9/11. America is so unpopular, that for the past few years Americans going anywhere outside the states are encouraged to pass themselves off as Canadians! Americans I have met outside America tend to be immediately apologetic and go to great lengths to distance themselves from the Fox News brand of America.
This is unfair. It has become all too easy to jump on the “I hate America” bandwagon – to pout, stamp feet, and blame the States for causing all the instability in the Middle East; for being the sole cause of global warming; for spreading fast food to the four corners of the world. The reality is quite different. EUROPE AND ASIA STILL LOVE YOU. I know, it’s hard to believe, but the facts speak for themselves. Allow me to make you feel better about your cultural identity and list your great achievements.

•    Apple: The world thanks you for technology that is human centred.
•    Movies: There are many great movies made every year in the US.
•    TV: There are some very intelligent documentaries and dramas created every season.
•    Surfing: Thanks, dudes.
•    The light bulb
•    Bourbon whiskey
•    Coming to the aid of the British, and all of Allied Europe, in the Second World War
•    Sunglasses
•    Ten pin bowling
•    www.TED.com
•    The American Novel
•    American Art

The rest of the world knows the best and the worst of America. Those people in France in Britain and in the US who seem to be against what is happening are not generally anti-America – far from it. They are able to see how far the States has regressed from the positive, forward-thinking, inclusive, happy-go-lucky, and inventive people you were known for in the not too distant past. There is a tendency to retreat, lock the door, and put your head in the sand if all those outside your white picket fence are intent on throwing rotten tomatoes at you. Be brave, America, and come join the street party; we’ll bring wine if you leave behind the American beer and bring the Wild Turkey.
Big hugs from London!

Why Won’t We Impeach Dubya?

Duncan Idaho — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:36:33 +0000

A recent poll by the American Research Group found that 45% of Americans want President George “Dubya” Bush to face impeachment, and 54% think that Cheney should be kicked out of office. Bruce Fein, the guy who wrote the first article of impeachment for Clinton and a dyed-in-the-wool conservative Republican, is now volunteering to write the articles for Bush and Cheney. Now, you may ask, “In the words of the Virgin Mary: Come again? A Republican conservative calling for the impeachment of the president?” That’s right! In fact, Fein said that Bush’s crimes are much worse than Clinton’s. On a Bill Moyers special in mid July, Mr. Fein said:

“[Bush] is seeking more institutionally to cripple checks and balances and the authority of Congress and the judiciary to superintend his assertions of power. He has claimed the authority to tell Congress they don’t have any right to know what he’s doing with relation to spying on American citizens, using that information in any way that he wants in contradiction to a federal statute called the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. He’s claimed authority to say he can kidnap people, throw them into dungeons abroad, [and] dump them out into Siberia without any political or legal accountability. These are standards that are totally anathema to a democratic society devoted to the rule of law.”

Yet no one is doing anything to stop this insanity. Congress, under the Republicans, didn’t do a thing to stand in Bush and Cheney’s way, and now that the Democrats are in power, there doesn’t seem to be anything different. And even mentioning impeachment is seen as a taboo. Why? Is impeachment such a terrible thing? The founding fathers, in the Constitution, make no mention of corporation or political parties or conventions or primaries or caucuses. But they do make six separate points about impeachment. Obviously they thought it was important. They viewed impeachment not as a constitutional crisis, but the cure for a constitutional crisis, and that, Dear Reader, is what we are currently facing.
Recently, I took a trip to the People’s Republic of California, in particular to San Francisco, in the season of what they refer to as “summer”. On every manhole cover in “The City” is a beautiful stamp with our beloved, fearless leader’s face and the words “Impeach Bush” under it. San Francisco, part of the 8th Congressional District of California, once had a great congresswoman named Nancy Pelosi. I’m sure it broke her peoples’ hearts when she said that “impeachment is off the table,” wanting to try and win political points by nitpicking at the Republicans to strengthen their position for 2008 rather than take a stand for what is right, showing that they are the spineless, wussy, supine, political incompetents that the Republicans always accuse them of being. Not only will they not take up impeachment, they won’t even use their real power – the power of budget control. In 1973, Congress told Richard Nixon that there wasn’t any money to extend the war into Cambodia. Even tricky Dickey had to concede to Congress.
In fact, Nixon wouldn’t have gotten away with half of the stuff Bush has with the 70s Congress. Sara Taylor, the Deputy Assistant to the President who reported directly to Carl Rove, was subpoenaed by Congress to testify about the US Attorney scandal. She was told by Bush not to testify and the she took an oath to “uphold the president”. Since when do people who work for the government take an oath to a human being? She works for the American people who pay her fucking salary! And that was followed up by Bush telling Harriet Miers, the President’s former council and Christian nut case, that she couldn’t testify, either. Even Nixon, the man we think of as the worst of the worst, didn’t have the audacity to tell John Dean (Nixon’s White House council) that he couldn’t testify about Watergate.
That’s right, folks; it has to do with a little thing called the Constitution, which, if you read it, contains some interesting points. The founders saw a distinct possibility of dealing with a President who might try to curb the arm of the law to prevent members of his administration from testifying to Congress, thus exposing the President’s crimes. He could use his authority and power to pardon to prevent a Congressional investigation from getting the goods on him. That is why Madison said that the Congress must have the power to impeach. Sound familiar? Yup, old Scooter Libby didn’t even get a chance to say one word to Congress before Bushy let him free.
What we are facing is the most destructive presidency ever. One that, I fear, will pass on a set of precedents and tools to the next administration. A set of tools that allow people who work for us to break into our house, kidnap us, haul us off to secret prisons and torture us, read our emails, open our FedEx packages, and force us to live in fear with ludicrous multi-colored alerts about brown people coming to kill our children – all in the name of keeping us safe. And if anything does go wrong, they’ll just tell us to go shopping.

America: The Best Wife in the World!

Gale Force — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 01:18:31 +0000

The Editor went roaring though the Lush For Life offices looking for an unoccupied writer. I panicked. I don’t know why I hide under my desk, because it’s the first place he looks.
“Did you see the Bill Maher stand-up special?” he demanded. “He was saying that Americans believe that we are the ‘best country in the world’ and that’s like guys who think they have the best wife in the world. He asked ‘How would you know?’ Find out whether we are the best country in the world, and if so, how we know this!”
Actually, the answer was in town, in the person of Dr. Nadya Cedarlite from the Department of Social Anthropology at Trobriand University in the Kiriwina Islands.
Dr. Cedarlite was on the last leg of a two-year visit to the US to study us, the native-born US population. The Kiriwinan Islanders have a long history of scholarship in studying different cultures and societies.
Dr. Cedarlite’s visit might result in a book similar to Kate Fox’s 2005 book “Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour”. This offers a social anthropologist’s view of the English; how they think and behave. It was a best-seller in England because it told the Brits a lot about themselves that they never knew.
Dr. Cedarlite explained: “The problem with being a fish in water, is that when people ask ‘How’s the water’, you can only reply ‘What water?’
“Of course, it’s the water you know and are accustomed to, so it is probably the best water for you. This Maher guy chose a good analogy. You would really need to know about what other spouses are like before you knew whether your spouse was the best in the world. But it is also perfectly natural to say that s/he is the best there is.
“Many people all over the planet think that they live in the best country in the world.”
I pounced. I knew (from Fox’s book, much time spent in England, and my own travels) that many cultures are very critical of their societies, governments, and institutions. The average Englishman will joke about what a shit-hole England is, what small penises Brits have, how little sex they get, how useless their sportsmen are, and what a bugger-up their government-of-the-moment is making.
Dr. Cedarlite refused to be nailed. “The same Englishman would die to defend England’s honor, or it’s black humor, which is darker than that dried blood sausage they eat, or that disgusting beer they import from across the Irish Sea.
“Gale, you’re merely noticing two American sociological quirks. Firstly, in your society, it is often considered unpatriotic to mention that your country is not perfect. Secondly, large portions of US society frown on discussing anything (especially politics, race, and religion) unless everyone shares the same opinions. The rule is “if you disagree, you will be disagreeable” and the assumption is that people are only capable of win-lose debate. This confines people to opinion-silos, and to very shallow chitchat – so Americans know an inordinate amount about where their friends eat and what their pets do.”
I pondered: “So how do we know whether we are a good country? Can’t we decide these things with metrics like standard of living or happiness?”
“There are numerics, Ms. Force, but you have to choose which ones you want. Americans are the seventh happiest people in world studies, but the Columbians are the happiest, and they have plenty of problems. America is 14th in the world in spending on education per child. That is slightly adjusted because schools have to pick up some social services like meals and health checks in the absence of other services in the community. And, of course, you spend less on poor children than on affluent children… “
“So we can’t know if we are the best country in the world.”
“Correct. You can’t. You can’t judge what you don’t know. But my experience of your culture suggests that that won’t stop politicians saying that you are. It’s an American tradition.”
I thanked Dr. Cedarlite for talking to Lush For Life, and wished her well as she prepared to return to what she considers the best place on earth – the Kiriwinan Islands.

Run Up to the Coming War with Canada

Guest Writer — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 00:56:34 +0000

To those of our citizens, and others in the international community who have been assaulted by the hysterical reactions of the leftists to the impending invasion of Canada, I feel an obligation to put things in perspective: a look at the Big Picture.
A little recent American history may help explain why the New World Order is so necessary. Foremost, it is about our nation keeping up with change. It is about the courage of an elected leader who, when he noticed someone had moved his cheese, replied,
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, ‘Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.’” —George W. Bush, Nashville, Sept. 17, 2002
Understand that we no longer elect a President every four years; we elect a “Commander-in-Chief.” The modern world demands it.
Over the years, the title “President” has taken on a kind of wishy-washy character, especially since that goody two-shoes “President” Carter won the Nobel Peace prize; whereas “Commander-in-Chief” leaves no doubt as to who calls the shots for this planet’s only superpower.
Back in ancient times, the Constitution required that the Congress shall be the body to declare war. The founding fathers were paranoid about tyranny, and they didn’t want one tyrannical person running around declaring war willy-nilly. So they built in those quaint checks and balances that one reads about in the history books.
The framers provided for change in the constitution by the amendment process. It is an unwieldy and drawn-out process requiring three-fourths of the states to agree on something. A superpower cannot operate with such inefficiency. Osama Bin Laden didn’t have to wait for a three-fourths majority.
In keeping with the American business model, we have drawn our new method of constitutional change from advertising. “Just Do It.” Swoosh, and we did.
Beginning with Korea and accelerating through Vietnam, Grenada, Haiti, Panama, Afghanistan, Iraq I & II, and now Canada, the US of A has kept the terrorists at bay, and the Homeland safe.
We stopped the dominoes in Asia, and we saved our brave medical students who had to study medicine in a third world country because they couldn’t pass the Florida FCAT.
We gave the Canal away, but kept the right to take it back anytime we want, and we got rid of a really ugly looking dictator. We saved Kuwait for the Kuwaiti Royal Family, who left the country and wouldn’t come back until we promised it was safe. We rid the world of Saddam and someday we will find those weapons.
“We ended the rule of one of history’s worst tyrants, and in so doing, we not only freed the American people, we made our own people more secure.” —George W. Bush, Crawford, Texas, May 3, 2003
Having a Commander-in-Chief, instead of a president, streamlines the process of international relations and, in keeping with our primary purpose as a nation; we have turned each war into a profit center. If it’s good for business, it must be good.
Commander-in-Chief has that same ringing sound of leadership as Chief Executive Officer, or CEO. CEO’s don’t have to cater to hundreds of congressmen; neither should the Commander-in-Chief. It will also make the government easier to privatize. The role of the Congress will be that of stockholders (that requires little change) and that which was once known as the “Electorate” will fulfill the patriotic role of Citizen Consumer. Plans are currently being drafted to replace the old fashioned election (which hardly anybody participated in anyhow), and replace it with focus groups. Trials are underway in Florida.
The power given to the Commander in Chief now allows him to handle the Canadian situation. As our Chief said, “Terrorism takes many forms.” The Canadians are selling prescription drugs at prices far below those charged in the US. This is what the Chief means by “economic terrorism.”
When Canada threatened to undermine the security of the United States and its pharmaceutical industry, by selling prescription drugs for less money than Americans, it became a matter of economic warfare.
The Canadians missed the whole point of the free market and the New World Order. “Canada is our market; we’re not theirs,” declared the Chief, in what has now become known as the “Bush Doctrine.”
The intelligence community has provided overwhelming evidence of Canada’s evil plan. Satellites have documented, with actual pictures, Canadian pharmacists smuggling cheap drugs across the Minnesota border while disguised as moose.
Special operations teams of stealth/Ranger/Delta/SEALs/black ops/, in daring raids across the border, have discovered documents from Niger proving the Canadian links to the al-Qaeda network. Vice President Dick Cheney said in a press conference that “there is reason to suspect that Saddam Hussein sent his weapons of mass destruction to Canada.”
On a dangerous nighttime raid into hostile territory, embedded reporter Barbara Walters was able to get close enough to tape the Cannucks without their knowledge.
Cannuck Border Guard 1: “Eh, what you guys want then, eh? You look lost or somethin’, eh? Canada’s that way, eh?”
Cannuck Border Guard 2: “Probl’y lookin’ for cheap Viagra, eh?
I leave you with the words of the Commander-in-Chief:
“We cannot let terriers and rogue nations hold this nation hostile. One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected.”

Religious Approach to Road Transportation

Gale Force — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:29:49 +0000

The Vatican has examined road use and misuse, and found mankind in need of new guidance in this area.
Lush For Life convened a focus group of AAs (Average Americans) to debate the Vatican’s “Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road”, and found that they think the bar has been set a bit high.
After a rousing debate about the new commandment, “Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin,” L4L began a national search for standards that AAs can agree on. The results are as follows:
1. Thou shalt not consider use of a car for personal glorification, but employing one to impress hot (wo)men, or to put one over uppity colleagues or irritating neighbors can be considered part of stimulating the economy.
2. Try not to covet thy neighbor’s hot vehicle, but if it is a hybrid, and thou art a conservationist, this might be okay.
3. Thou shalt not fornicate in a car, unless related to a needy chiropractor, or if thou honesty cannot afford a motel. Even then, thou shalt wisely check that the other party is not in a committed relationship (with someone else), and shalt follow safe sex practices.
4. Thou shalt obey speed limits within reason, unless thou didst really and truly leave early for class, and hast not lied about being “late for the meeting because of the traffic” in the last two weeks.
5. Thou shalt not splash pedestrians with water, mud, etc. This, if deliberate, is a threat to thine immortal soul. The fact that thou was talking on thy cell phone or listening to the game is no excuse.
6. The road shall be unto thee a channel of communication and courtesy. Thus shalt thou consider indicating before swerving into the lane one yard ahead of thy fellow motorist, wait more than a nanosecond before leaning on thy horn when a traffic light turns green, and even refrain from tailgating anyone driving less than twenty miles over the speed limit.
7. Thou shalt not have fantasies about thy door flying open as thou passes racing bikers with tight buns. If thou wentest to gym regularly, thou wouldst have tight buns, too.
8. Thou shalt not fear stopping to help at an accident. It is entirely possible, even in this litigious society, that the victims wilst not sue thee.
9. Wine makest glad the heart of man (Ps 104, v15) but save it for when thou art not behind the wheel. The carts were a lot slower in those days, so update thy mentality and don’t drive under the influence of more than two beers.
10. If thou drivest over the speed limit, thou deservest a citation and traffic school and points on thine insurance, if thou art stupid enough to be caught.
11. When thy friends have looked upon the wine when it is red, take thou their keys with kindness, and do not make them to lie down upon thy bathroom floor for long periods in their own puke. Next time it might be thee.
12. Thou shalt not swear at the blue-hairs, nor the shrunken little old ones who cannot see over their steering wheels, despite sitting on pillows. Surely such expletives will follow thee in the last days of thine own life, when thou too shalt be old, and shall clog the highways and intersections with thy 1978 mint-condition Ford.

The Mitt Romney Codicil
Thou shalt not strap any living being, human or animal, on top of thy car for 12-hour road trips. Torture is reserved for the Vice President and the Attorney General and their minions.

Happy Birthday USA!

Duncan Idaho — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 22:18:01 +0000

It’s that glorious time of the year again! Our Nation’s birthday is here and boy, could it use some cheering up. Maybe a present or two – nothing fancy; just some peace pipes, tea cups, sauerkraut, potatoes, and some little wooden shoes (she’s multi-cultural). Yup, grab that American brew, toast the Founding Fathers, praise the Constitution, and celebrate liberty and freedom for all. Ooh! And hot-dog eating contests! Those are my favorite.

Unfortunately, this year, it looks like the World hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi is not going to be able to make it to the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, Brooklyn. The poor guy is suffering from a sports related injury and is experiencing acute jaw pain. That’s alright, he’s Japanese, and it’s about time we Americans show them who can eat a goddamned hot dog! It’s pretty sad that the only way we could beat the world at making a better car, sustaining the environment, winning a (gasp!) baseball game, or even a hot dog eating contest would be to ask the Japanese not to show up… well… and maybe the Germans, the Swedes, the English and the French… damn. I bet we’d kick the pants off some Norwegians at football (the American kind of course… the one you play with your hands).

Well, that’s fine – we’ll still sit down and drink a nice cold Budweiser and grill out in the Florida heat. On second thought, I like beer, so I think I’ll have to drink something made in a country where they know what beer is – not this watered down gnat’s urine that Anheuser-Busch tries to pass off as beer. In fact, Budweiser is not even considered a beer by some experts, as it’s made with over 60 percent brewer’s rice, which is basically the cheapest, leftover broken rice you can find, rather than hops and barley. Maybe I’ll just stick to lemonade. At least the conversation will be good.
We’ll cheer the brave men and women who fought the evil British and won the freedom to govern ourselves. Yes, those great Americans are who we should all strive to be – patriotic, brave, and British… What? Yes, they were Englishmen fighting a civil war. They won, kicked the other English out and stopped playing cricket. Really? Yes. Well, I never thought about it like that. Well, that’s because you’re an idiot. Aaah, thank you. My pleasure. Oh well, at least they got rid of their idiot king, which gave them the right to elect their own idiot tyrant.
They were however, still great men. The Founding Fathers were the greatest thinking people of their time. We thank God for their brave ideas and strong leadership. Well, maybe not God… Jefferson was a strong deist (someone who believes in a higher power, but one that doesn’t influence or have anything to do with human life). George Washington was also a deist and a strong proponent of religious tolerance, saying, “If they be good workmen, they may be from Asia, Africa, or Europe; they may be Mohammedans, Jews, or Christians of any sect, or they may be Atheists.” That’s probably why so many persecuted Jews came to the States; they felt it would become the most tolerant country on the planet. I guess it’s better that we think whatever we want to, and remember that this country is not based on Christianity, but rather tolerance, and a strong belief that Church and State are both good, but never the twain should meet. They would be pissed at the White House Office of Faith Based Initiatives.
But their legacy to us can never be tarnished. We’ll raise our glasses of cold lemonade and thank Buddha for the Constitution. Standing as a shining beacon to those throughout the world unfortunate enough not to belong to a Democracy. We’ll just make sure they don’t see the secret prisons, Guantanamo Bay, illegal wire-tapping, torture, control over congressional hearings, passing executive orders to stop the release of presidential papers, suspending habeas corpus, or the making up of lies to start wars for whatever reason we want. We’ll just sweep those under the rug and tell the rest of the world that this is the greatest country on earth!
Good God/Allah/Buddha/Krishna/Shiva/Jehovah/ Elegua (The Nigerian God of crossroads), et al, how am I going to celebrate the birth of my Nation without feeling like a complete hypocrite? I know! Fireworks! I still have my beautiful, made in Mexico, explosives! I’ll just be very careful not to hurt any small children or animals (Mitt Romney I’m watching you) and pray to whatever God I believe in that the 4th in 2008 looks a whole lot better.

You Don’t Give a Shit About the Value of the Dollar

Edward Payne — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:39:00 +0000

[Lush For Life’s Economics Correspondent Edward Payne first submitted this story to Forbes Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Bloomberg Report, The San Francisco Chronicle, The St. Pete Times, The Tampa Bay Business Journal, In the Loop, The Carrollwood Times, The New Tampa Neighborhood News, The Gazette, The Idlewild Baptist Church Newsletter, and The Coffee Times. After rejections across the board, we at Lush For Life opted to run this piece, hoping to increase our street cred in the financial world and boggle the minds of our fifth-grade reading-level demographic. Enjoy! – Ed.]

As I watch our economy, seemingly kicked out of the plane with no parachute and presently plummeting earthwards towards the far end of terminal velocity, I can draw comfort from one fact: the general public is terribly dense about boring old math and economy, so there shall be no retaliatory revolution disrupting my own various indulgences, most of which require the existence of a reasonably advanced socioeconomic infrastructure to exist. I refer of course not to you, Dear Reader; for simply by virtue of holding this eminent publication in your hand, you have already differentiated yourself from the vast hordes of unwashed masses content with little more than Miller Light and “America’s Next Top Model”. Perhaps Federal Open Market Committee meeting minutes ought to be read by bikini-clad models during prime time.
The United States dollar is devaluing rapidly. Treasury CEO Henry Paulson and ECB head Jean-Claude Trichet are both fine with this, according to Bloomberg.
A dollar is worth about 0.73 Euro as of this writing, down from 0.82 a year ago, an 11% drop. The dollar is down from buying over 1.10 Euros in 2001, an astonishing 33% drop. Where has a third of the value in our dollars gone?
Lacking innovative powers even when given carte blanche to find any way to pad the pockets of their ultrawealthy constituents, the Bush II administration could do little more than revisit daddy’s old playbook: the Reaganomicsesque “massive tax cuts for the rich” plan implemented by Bush II produced a massive budget shortfall, just as the extremely expensive invasions and occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan were launched. The shortfall was made up by going into massive debt. Interest rates were held artificially low during this period so that the government wouldn’t have to pay much interest on the money it was borrowing. (As a side effect, this sparked the housing bubble that is now bursting and wreaking havoc in the mortgage industry. It is too soon to say whether this burst will spread to the finance sector and thence to the larger economy.)
The invasion also sent oil prices skyrocketing, which produced a big charge against the economies of the developed nations in general and the US in particular. Ongoing rapid economic development in the emerging economies, particularly in manufacturing (as free trade off shores more and more of the developed nations’ manufacturing base), simultaneously produces ever increasing worldwide demand for oil and other commodities, especially raw material metals, while reducing the cost of the finished products in terms of major currencies, creating inflation.
The US policymakers must maintain the illusion of a prosperous economy as long as possible for political reasons. The wars are very unpopular; a simultaneous economic downturn would be a political disaster for those in charge. The massively low interest rates that were set for war borrowing not only sparked a disastrous housing bubble, they also produced a great deal of inflation. They’ve raised rates a bit since then to contain the inflation somewhat, but they cannot raise them much further without aborting the nascent economic recovery taking place since the 2001-3 downturn, given the huge upswing in commodity and particularly oil prices. The paper recovery is based more than anything else around easy money and revaluation of scarce capital assets against inflation.
The solution: devalue the dollar. The honchos all have their assets in European bonds. The devaluation functions as a tax on anyone who holds dollar assets, which is used to decrease the real value of the nominal bond debt the Bush administration has incurred to simultaneously finance the war and its tax-cuts-for-the-rich program. The devaluation is politically justified by claiming that it will make US exports more competitive in the world market; unfortunately, the US economy is largely driven by consumer spending and exports relatively little these days.
As the dollar plummets, central banks across the world are dumping their dollars, or at least halting new purchases and shifting to buying Euros as a reserve currency. Iran, Russia, and Venezuela are already transacting oil sales in Euros; Russia, in rubles, as well. This only increases the downward pressure on the dollar.
The United States itself has only $41 billion of currency reserves, less than Nigeria, Indonesia, or Poland, and smaller than Bill Gates or Warren Buffet’s personal fortunes.
This is consistent with a decision to devalue the dollar – why accumulate large reserves of something that will soon be worth much less?
European exporters are hurt by the strengthening of their currency. Why does the ECB accept the situation? Their own economy is not doing so great as the heavy costs of absorbing East Germany and Eastern Europe generally into the Union weigh on their economy; however, these countries are at the same time experiencing phenomenal GDP growth as they modernize and provide cheap labor to the Western European countries. The EU economy does seem to have marginally improved lately, anyway. Rather than raise Eurozone interest rates to contain the Euro’s rise and risk damaging or slowing down the eastern European integration, the ECB authorities are prepared to take the negative effects of a higher Euro now in the interests of keeping easy money available to finance eastern European integration, so as to get the eastern economies on par with the west that much faster. The much more socialist cast of European society also undoubtedly plays a role; short-term export growth is not as much of a priority as it would be for US or Japanese policymakers. As a nice side effect, Europeans can now afford more consumer goods from China, too.
In the near to medium term, the US equities market will continue to rise (slowly) as the dollar devalues, to re-price the real assets held by the corporations at new inflated nominal values, offering the illusion of economic prosperity to the financial public. In the 1970s, this situation of ongoing inflation with little real economic expansion was called “stagflation”. Perhaps this explains the bell-bottoms fad of a few years ago.

Guns Don’t Kill People

Duncan Idaho — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:52:17 +0000

I see the talking heads screaming for gun control. The Virginia Tech shootings have dragged out those god-awful idiots who make the Democratic party look like sniveling, opportunistic, pussies – That’s right Rosie O’Donnel, I’m talking to you. They howl and bitch about their gun control legislation that, if passed, would have prevented the terrible events of April 16th. Bullshit! Even in countries where private gun ownership is banned, a wacko gets hold of a gun and blows a few innocents away. Boy did Imus get off easy this week. However, just because a few fellow liberals are embarrassments and should have their faces grated off with a rusty cheese grater, it doesn’t mean that we should start handing out glocks.

I always find it incredible that the first ones to stand up and defend gun ownerships are the same, brainless Republican hypocrites who call themselves Christians. Jesus turned the other cheek, not blew the slapper’s head open with his 9mm. Yet they go on an on about “if guns were outlawed, only the outlaws would have guns.” SO!? That’s a great fucking idea! In countries where they don’t have private gun ownership, if you pull a gun on a liquor store, they don’t send the cops after you, they send SWAT teams and Special Forces and whatnot. So even criminals are scared to use a gun.

The U.S. rate for gun deaths is around 14.24 per 100,000 people. In Japan it’s about .05 per 100,000. And then I hear Todd Schnitt (local idiot talk show host and goat molester, probably) saying that there was a shooting in Japan, so that means that gun laws don’t mean anything. Do these shit-for-brains, abortive, rooting hogs actually listen to themselves? Probably not, or else they would want to stick screwdrivers into their ears until blood gushes out of their diarrhea-spewing mouths – I know that’s what I want to due.

When logic starts to fail them, they turn to the constitution. “The Second Amendment says blah blah blah”… It also says we need militia to keep states free. Other than a few nut-case redneck hicks who think John Deer gear is a uniform, have you met your local militiaman? My right to “bear arms shall not be infringed”? Great, I want a bazooka and a tactical nuclear weapon. I can’t have one? Why not? Oh… because the Founding Fathers never envisioned a world with automatic weapons and hydrogen bombs? If the law said we could own single firing, muzzle loading muskets that don’t have replaceable parts, I might be ok with “From my cold dead hands”… I could strangle the old fart before he could reload.

The real problem that my friend on the right here don’t understand is that saying we can all have guns and use them on each other sends a message across our society that goes something like this “That TV set in your hands is worth more to me than your life, see you in hell” and that’s only one step away from “You bullied me so, see you in hell.”

Am I Safer Without Lawn Darts?

Guest Writer — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:37:54 +0000

In the wake of the April 16th shootings at Virginia Tech, gun control advocates and critics all came out to present their political argument on why this tragedy is a perfect example of why their opinion is the right one. Well, you know what they say about opinions: they’re like assholes, everyone has one, and they all stink.
The day after the tragic murders, the New York Times made the statement: “What is needed, urgently, is stronger controls over the lethal weapons that cause such wasteful carnage and such unbearable loss.” Proponents of gun rights countered saying if the school had not been a “gun-free zone”, the killer may have been stopped sooner. The politicizing of this tragedy is nothing if not predictable. While it is not necessarily wrong to use tragedies to launch debate on important issues, the use of this particular incident is unseemly.
I suppose that statement is a caveat, in a way, because this asshole has been asked to present an opinion on the matter. I am a self-proclaimed progressive redneck. I sleep with a .45 under my bed and I feel safer because of it.
Second Amendment opponents have been encouraged by the outrage over this tragedy and have come forward to advocate severe gun control laws like those enacted in England and Australia, but the fact of the matter is that violent crime skyrocketed in both countries after the gun rights of citizens were taken away.
Gun control advocates want more “gun-free” zones or, as one author put it, “victim-rich environments”. There are many people out there who seem outraged by the idea that people can own and carry guns, as if we are all just potential murderers, hampered only by our lack of access to a convenient weapon.
There is no logic behind these arguments and the statistics are clear. Communities that uphold a responsible citizen’s right to bear arms have significantly lower rates of violent crime than those that do not, as if creating more “gun-free” zones would some how make us safer. The “gun-free” zone at Virginia Tech obviously did nothing to prevent the murder of 32 innocents.
The issue at hand is one of fear. Those that weren’t raised with an understanding of weapons and gun safety still fear guns. Just as confusing, there are those are still afraid of homosexuals. Granted, however, that you wouldn’t want either to accidentally go off in your hand. I promise you, get to know both and you will be more comfortable.

Don’t Pull Out Too Soon

Duncan Idaho — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 06:34:23 +0000

Our fearless leader has pledged more troops to Iraq. Well done. A new idea? No. Will it work? Who knows?
As a nice, progressive, semi-hippie, bleeding heart liberal I can’t really jump up on my soap box and say, “Good job, Georgie” for sending more of my demographic out to die.
So where does that leave me? As a registered Democrat, I look towards my wonderful party’s great leadership and say, “You got a better idea?” And they say, “Well, yes, Duncan, we think that war is bad and so we should pull out our troops and bring them home where they’re safe and sound and they can stop killing Iraqis.” Almost as dumb as something a Republican from Texas would say.
As much as I hate to admit it, Jr.’s got this one half right. If the US pulled out of Iraq now, the Shiites, Sunnis, and Kurds would have a grand old time blowing each other up into lots of lovely little hookah-smoking bits. Not that they’re not giving it their best shot at the moment, but without a few Brits and Yanks in between to slow them down, it would be twenty-four hour a day Arab soup-de-jour.
I don’t like the idea of guys my age (most of whom can’t find Iraq on a map, let alone expect to be culturally fluent) having to deal with sensitive geo-political war zones, but they did sign up for the US military. And they are doing what the US military should spend its time doing, namely defending innocent people from the wack-jobs in the world from killing them. That’s why most people love America – we protect the little guy from being gang raped by extremists (rather than the fact that we have participated in a few trains on Middle Eastern asses.)
I’m a liberal who thinks that we shouldn’t run away. Does that mean I’m not a coward? Not one of the so-called “party of defeat”? It means that I think that we, as a country, screwed up; that I believe in personal responsibility enough to think that we shouldn’t go puke on someone else’s carpet after drinking all their bourbon and then leaving the party before we clean up the diced carrots and yellow stuff slowly staining their rug.
The Dems are playing politics, here. None of the actual leaders in Washington believe that we should let those people be slaughtered (I hope), but they know that the war is so unpopular that they’ve made a political decision to get out, strengthening their 2008 position.
I realize that my fellow progressives will probably come to my house and lynch me for saying this, but give me a minute: it’s not just the left who are wrong here. (I said half right – did you really think I would left “Dubya” get off without his usual beating?)
It was the Right who puked on this oily carpet. They probably realize that now (even if they didn’t stick their finger down their throat – which they might have done), and so they probably know that they have to fix this. But as usual, the administration has taken its usual stance of sticking its fingers in its ears and singing “la la la la la la la” as loud as it can. Offer advice, assistance or even a meeting and you’ll get the same service you would expect from a Denny’s waitress at 4 AM after you’ve just pissed into a potted plastic plant in the corner of her section.
Iraq does not exist in a vacuum. They are an important center, not only for the world, but also for the entire Arab people. Not only do we have to keep our closely cropped boys with machine guns there, but we also need to talk to the frigging people. No one expects us to say sorry (no one ever expects America to apologize), but we should at least look a little regretful. With our sad-giant-with-bombs look neatly applied to our faces, we could get Iran and the rest of the Middle East to eat out of our hand.
When you stick you fingers in your ears and act like a child, it makes it easier for others to do the same. (Does “no, I am not stopping my nuclear program” sound familiar?)
After that, we need to do what Americans do best: spend money. Build nice schools, hospitals, and services; hand out food and give loans. When you’re sitting in your slightly dangerous Baghdad hookah café, smoking with your friends, and your wife has food at home and your children are safe in school, it doesn’t matter how much you hate the West or some other ethnic group, because the idea of strapping a bomb to your chest and blowing something up doesn’t sound so appealing. Besides, you’ve got a card game to finish.