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I Love George Bush

Guest writer Summer Fields is a second grader at the Tampa Baptist and Young Republican Academy. CHICAGO – In his first public speech using words in English in over five years, President George Bush proved just how awesome he is to the Restaurant Association meeting in Chicago. (more…)

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Iranian War To Be Paid For With Porn

WASHINGTON – In the ongoing debate as to whether or not the United States goes to war with Iran in August or in January rages, questions have arisen as to how the greatest President since James Buchanan plans to pay to give those lunatics a damn good thrashing. (more…)

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Bush Mystified After Colbert Speech

WASHINGTON – President Bush was utterly mystified in the aftermath of cable TV comedian Stephen Colbert’s controversial White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech last week, according to both numerous White House sources and public remarks from the President himself. (more…)

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Bush Wags Finger At Iran

TEHRAN – In a rush story that any journalist should be obligated to write, Iran has figured out how to really piss off Americans, this week, in claiming to have fulfilled plans for a nuclear power plant, complete with excessive waste that can be used for nuclear weapons. President Bush has noted that all options […]

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Terrorists To Patrol Border

WASHINGTON – In a surprise announcement, the Bush administration has released plans to solve both the raging border protection and immigration debate, as well as the international outcry over the treatment of detainees at the Guantanamo Bay detention center. (more…)

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Republican Party Votes To Outlaw Guns

WASHINGTON – The GOP showed its true colors, Monday, when it voted to outlaw guns in a shocking repeal of the 4th Amendment. To liberal-minded freethinkers, it at first seemed a true breathe of fresh air and victory, as the Republican Party accepted its first lost round in a long, long boxing match. Democrats everywhere […]

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Bush Expands Phone Taps To Motorola Razr Cell Phones

WASHINGTON – Reports out of Washington, DC, indicate that all users of the Motorola Razr cellular phone, the most popular and most widely used mobile phone in the United States, are subject to legal phone tapping implemented by President George W. Bush. (more…)

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Clinton To Become Emperor

CLEVELAND – In the 2000 Presidential election, the race between George “Dubya” Bush and Al “Husband of Tipper” Gore was so tight that the Gallup Polling Company added outgoing President Bill Clinton’s name to the poll choices, just to spice things up a bit. The results were shocking: had Clinton been able to run for […]

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Bush Declares ‘War On Hurricanes’, Venezuela

WASHINGTON – With Hurricane Wilma’s recent battering fresh in the minds of the crucial Florida electorate and still another month to go in the 2005 hurricane season, President Bush held a joint press conference with top Republican leaders today to declare a formal “war on hurricanes.” Reading from a prepared statement, the President cited the […]

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White House Issues Cease-And-Desist Letter To The Onion

WASHINGTON – The White House, residence of the present resident president, is apparently not amused by the humor site’s use of the Presidential Seal on a parody of a presidential radio broadcast. The Onion, a site much like LushForLife.com, only less funny, has been a long upstanding member of the fake news industry and a […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]