Barrack Hussein Obama’s great, great, great grandfather, Falmouth Kearney, came to the US from Ireland in 1850, and suddenly Obama has a new card in the hunt for the vote of Irish-blooded Americans.
Coincidentally, the four-yearly Cricket World Cup has been creating a frenzy amongst billions of people worldwide, and the action has been happening in the Caribbean.
Now concentrate, because this gets very fishy, very quickly. It’s St Patrick’s Day, 2007, and a cricket match is taking place. Ireland is playing Pakistan. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON – One day following the announcement of Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, is afflicted with the saddest of all cancers, breast cancer, the Republican party rebounded with some vote-getting news of their own: every member of the Republican Party, including the Executive Branch, the Senate, House of Representatives, Cabinet Members, and even registered voters, has cancer.
White House press secretary Tony Snow’s Friday morning announcement about removing a growth in his abdomen was a mere primer for the revelations to follow. An hour after Snow’s unfortunate message, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales revealed that his US attorney firing spree was really just a case of lashing out after he discovered that he has inoperable colon cancer.
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WASHINGTON – President Bush has asked the American people to give his troop-surge plan time to work. Although sending in 20,000 extra troops may seems like W’s most retarded plan since he tried to save on laundry bills by wearing his underwear on the outside of his clothes, a White House source has informed Lush For Life that this troop increase is a small part of the President’s broader strategy.

As the Iraqi civilian death toll reaches about 60,000, and this number continues to rise rapidly, our source divulged exactly what it is that Bush is attempting. “Operation Clean Slate” is designed to slowly kill every Iraqi… ever. The President hopes that once the insurgents, and American boo-boos, kill all of the Iraqi citizens, the insurgents will be much easier to knock off. When the country’s population reaches zero, George Walker Bush will implement what we are told is his greatest plan to date. Continue Reading

NEW YORK – Last week, as the 2008 presidential frontrunners Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama exchanged early blows over everything from comments made by David Geffen calling the Clintons liars to who they thought was going to win the Academy Award for best foreign film, and even over which the bigger news story was: Anna Nicole Smith dropping dead or Britney Spears’ breakdowns. Clearly the two campaigns had come to political deadlock over the issues and basic philosophical ideology. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON – Yesterday, Junior Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) introduced a resolution to debate a non-binding resolution proposing that the US rejoin the British Commonwealth.
Our roving correspondent, Arthur Rocks, put on his reporter’s diaper and took the first plane to Washington.
He wasn’t hoping for much of a story. He guessed that Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III was feeling neglected by the press from his outsider position of being the only member of the Senate not running for President, nor claiming custody of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. Continue Reading

In a White House Press briefing Friday, Press Secretary Tony Snow released an overwhelming library of evidence that Iran might be supplying Iraqi Sunni Islamo-Fascists with the explosives they use to blow innocent American GIs to bits and pieces.

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Ah, January. Those sweltering Florida nights, those cool North Eastern ice storms, and those mild Illinois Winters – weather as weird and nonsensical as the political climate, and by no means less dangerous.

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BUTTE, MT – In a joint press conference held on Thursday by the heads of a plethora of terrorist groups, the subject arose of President Bush’s recent Baghdad visit and their renewed vow of solidarity in the complete hatred of the United States and its people. Continue Reading

STAFFORD, TX – Representative Tom DeLay held a press conference, today, in an attempt to boost his public image and defend the controversially genius gerrymandering program he implemented in his home state of Texas. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON – As the November 2006 elections approach, Congress is calling an emergency session to pass legislation requiring Senate and House candidates to undergo DNA testing. Continue Reading