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Obama’s Strategy For Irish Vote Thwarted By Murder?

Barrack Hussein Obama’s great, great, great grandfather, Falmouth Kearney, came to the US from Ireland in 1850, and suddenly Obama has a new card in the hunt for the vote of Irish-blooded Americans. Coincidentally, the four-yearly Cricket World Cup has been creating a frenzy amongst billions of people worldwide, and the action has been happening […]

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Entire Republican Party Stricken With Cancer

WASHINGTON – One day following the announcement of Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, is afflicted with the saddest of all cancers, breast cancer, the Republican party rebounded with some vote-getting news of their own: every member of the Republican Party, including the Executive Branch, the Senate, House of Representatives, Cabinet Members, and even […]

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Surge For Victory

WASHINGTON – President Bush has asked the American people to give his troop-surge plan time to work. Although sending in 20,000 extra troops may seems like W’s most retarded plan since he tried to save on laundry bills by wearing his underwear on the outside of his clothes, a White House source has informed Lush […]

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The Sensation In The Sludge

NEW YORK – Last week, as the 2008 presidential frontrunners Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama exchanged early blows over everything from comments made by David Geffen calling the Clintons liars to who they thought was going to win the Academy Award for best foreign film, and even over which the bigger news story […]

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Congress To Debate US Non-binding Resolution To Join British Commonwealth.

WASHINGTON – Yesterday, Junior Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) introduced a resolution to debate a non-binding resolution proposing that the US rejoin the British Commonwealth. Our roving correspondent, Arthur Rocks, put on his reporter’s diaper and took the first plane to Washington. He wasn’t hoping for much of a story. He guessed that Jefferson Beauregard Sessions […]

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Iran ‘Probably, Maybe’ Supplying Iraq

In a White House Press briefing Friday, Press Secretary Tony Snow released an overwhelming library of evidence that Iran might be supplying Iraqi Sunni Islamo-Fascists with the explosives they use to blow innocent American GIs to bits and pieces. (more…)

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The Amazing State Of The Union

Ah, January. Those sweltering Florida nights, those cool North Eastern ice storms, and those mild Illinois Winters – weather as weird and nonsensical as the political climate, and by no means less dangerous. (more…)

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Bush Visits Baghdad Without Incident

BUTTE, MT – In a joint press conference held on Thursday by the heads of a plethora of terrorist groups, the subject arose of President Bush’s recent Baghdad visit and their renewed vow of solidarity in the complete hatred of the United States and its people. (more…)

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Tom Delay Defends Gerrymandering Program

STAFFORD, TX – Representative Tom DeLay held a press conference, today, in an attempt to boost his public image and defend the controversially genius gerrymandering program he implemented in his home state of Texas. (more…)

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Elite Senate And Congress With DNA Guarantee

WASHINGTON – As the November 2006 elections approach, Congress is calling an emergency session to pass legislation requiring Senate and House candidates to undergo DNA testing. (more…)

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]