Lush For Life

CUPERTINO, CA – It’s here! The iPhone has hit the shelves like a heroin-starved junkie hitting a methadone buffet. The Mac addicts are out in force, lining up in front of Apple stores all around the country, scaring women and children with their long hair, freethinking ideas, and dorky t-shirts. Lush For Life, being an [...]

Ever since British Prime Minister Tony Blair played a key role in championing President Bush’s invasion of Iraq, his popularity in Britain has been falling. The man whose drive and popularity orchestrated “New Labour’s” resurgence against the British Conservatives ten years ago now finds himself the cause of Labour electoral losses all over the country. [...]

The Dalai Lama is causing trouble again. The mutually suspicious but financially lucrative relationship between China and the U.S. hit a small bump in the road last week. That bump was a bald man with a permanently serene smile welded onto his Tibetan head. His Holiness the Dalai Lama was in Washington to receive a [...]

During the Congressional elections of 2006, Democrats assured voters they would not follow in the footsteps of the Republican Congress during the Clinton years by wasting time with frivolous investigations. Less than six months on, they to appear to have backtracked on that promise. Last night, Congressman Henry Waxman, Chairman of the House Oversight Committee, [...]

Across the United States, honeybee colonies are disappearing. Some beekeepers are reporting drops in colony populations as much as 25 percent and panic is starting to rise in the throats of economists, ecologists, and entomologists. As trivial as declining bee numbers appears to be on the surface, the reality is that honeybees are used to [...]

STREETSVILLE, ON – The recent string of pet food poisonings which has lead to the death of many North American cats has left the pet-lovers’ community shocked and terrified. Menu Foods Income Fund, the holding company that owns the suspected brands, has recalled all of their wet pet food products in an attempt to quell [...]

Barrack Hussein Obama’s great, great, great grandfather, Falmouth Kearney, came to the US from Ireland in 1850, and suddenly Obama has a new card in the hunt for the vote of Irish-blooded Americans. Coincidentally, the four-yearly Cricket World Cup has been creating a frenzy amongst billions of people worldwide, and the action has been happening [...]

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA – At a closed door meeting of a top secret military tribunal, suspected Al Qaeda mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed admitted to planning and funding the September 11th attacks against the World Trade Center, the 1898 bombing of the USS Maine in Havana harbor, acknowledged his key role in planning the 1941 Japanese [...]

WASHINGTON – One day following the announcement of Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, is afflicted with the saddest of all cancers, breast cancer, the Republican party rebounded with some vote-getting news of their own: every member of the Republican Party, including the Executive Branch, the Senate, House of Representatives, Cabinet Members, and even [...]

WASHINGTON – President Bush has asked the American people to give his troop-surge plan time to work. Although sending in 20,000 extra troops may seems like W’s most retarded plan since he tried to save on laundry bills by wearing his underwear on the outside of his clothes, a White House source has informed Lush [...]