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Mount Hood Hikers Kidnapped By Santa

“MOUNT RIVER, OR – Three hikers that were alleged to have been stranded on Oregon’s tallest mountain, Mount Hood, have been located working at Santa’ Sweatshop at the North Pole. Pacific Northwest Correspondent W.E.B. Dubois cracked the story earlier tonight as he was investigating allegations of a child pornography ring centered at the Pole. In […]

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Polonium-210 Poisoning No Political Plot

LONDON – The ambassador of Japan to Great Britain, Mr. Guijin Kusai, came to confess all at the London headquarters of Lush For Life. Kusai looked like an agitated octopus as he floundered about the reception area while he waited to be sent up to my office on the 52nd floor. I stood up as […]

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Poor TV Broadcasts Lead To Rash Of Injuries In NFL

“PHILADELPHIA – Further inquiry conducted by the Lush For Life investigative staff has revealed new startling answers to the cause of the recent knee injury sustained by Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb on November 19. McNabb sustained a complete tear to his medial collateral ligament – an injury that will require eight to twelve months […]

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Spain, Italy, France Unveil Strategy For Peace In The Middle East

“MADRID – An international committee consisting of top delegates from the three largest military powers on the planet, Spain, Italy, and France (collectively know as the Three Amigos), have come up with a brilliant plan for a cease-fire agreement between Palestinians and Israel. The plan, codenamed “”Operation Lapdog””, is being hailed by the United Nations […]

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Lush For Life (Formerly Declares Bankruptcy, Defeat In Wake Of Mid-term Elections

“TAMPA – As the polls closed, Tuesday night, a somber, depressing fog rolled into Lush For Life headquarters. We all knew that our time had come. The end of the road was in sight, and some of us, the more delusional ones, knew that or demise was of our own doing. Years of bashing, trashing, […]

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The Scientology Project

“LONDON – I, like all upstanding English folk, went out and bought the Sunday paper on a crisp morning not too long ago. That paper was to change my life forever. Squeezed between an article about the ludicrous amount of money that British Aerospace Systems are making due to lucrative U.S. arms contracts and another […]

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Limbaugh Praises Michael J. Fox With Fund, Award

“WEST PALM BEACH, FL – One day following the accusatory comments he made about actor Michael J. Fox, right-wing broadcaster Rush Limbaugh followed by creating a charitable fund and scholarship program, and awarded Fox with the initial distinguished award in acting the program plans on giving out on an annual basis. Limbaugh originally accused Fox […]

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Snipes Shafts IRS For Fans

“TAMPA – Once well-known actor Wesley Snipes – who used to flaunt himself across the silver screen with a variety of kicks and karate slices in a number of second-rate super-awesome-action yarns – has found himself on the run from the IRS, indicted with eight counts of tax fraud on Wednesday morning, according to The […]

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NY Yankees And Al Qaeda Join Forces

“NEW YORK – News of a joining of powers between the New York Yankees Major League Baseball team and international terrorist organization al-Qaeda became apparent, Wednesday, following a plane-crash into an upper Manhattan high-rise apartment building. The plane was flown by Yankees middle relief pitcher Cory Lidle, who died in the crash that was assigned […]

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Mark Foley Is My Boyfriend

TAMPA – I was driving to a funeral for a beloved pet, Saturday morning, when I heard local talk radio host Jeff Fisher announce the sad news of Mark Foley’s shameful emails and instant messages to young, teenage boys, describing lurid sexual acts and masturbatory suggestions. I then began to weep. In 1996, I got […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro


This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]