Oct 26th, 2007
The Dalai Lama is causing trouble again. The mutually suspicious but financially lucrative relationship between China and the U.S. hit a small bump in the road last week. That bump was a bald man with a permanently serene smile welded onto his Tibetan head. His Holiness the Dalai Lama was in Washington to receive a [...]
Oct 3rd, 2007
TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University Police during a question and answer session with Jack Hanna at the Sun Dome. Myers, a senior majoring in anthropology, insinuated that the host of the popular TV show Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures continued his [...]
WASHINGTON – US Press Secretary Dana Perino arrived at the podium, the air heavy with tension, when she broke the news that heralded super-sleuth Nancy Drew had been captured and now detained by the CIA at the infamous Guantanamo Bay terrorist repository in Cuba.
Perino, sullenly, addressed the awaiting press: “Good morning, everybody… I have some [...]
Lush for Life’s newest intrepid reporter, Marriot A. Lamb, has been aware that Hillary Clinton has been getting more than her fair share of attention with regards to her proposed changes to the Health Care system.
He called Mitt Romney (who is at least a Presidential candidate with a full complement of decision-making organs) to get [...]
Sep 13th, 2007
General Jack Keane, architect of the US “surge” in Iraq, called British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a “yellow-bellied loser,” in referrence to the British Army turning tail and retreating from the strategically vital stronghold of Basra in the South of Iraq. British military sources have told Lush For Life that the withdrawal was part of [...]
Aug 27th, 2007
The 2008 Presidential election campaign of former Alaska senator Maurice Robert “Mike” Gravel powered forward this week, astonishing even the most experienced pundits. News media organizations from all over the nation swarmed to the Gravel campaign headquarters located in the second floor common room in Morrison Hall on the University of Alaska Anchorage campus. Reporters [...]
Continuing an obsession with secrecy seldom seen outside of the wards of mental institutions, the Bush administration revealed recently that the President underwent treatment for Lyme disease last year. Lyme disease is transmitted primarily by ticks and, apparently, Bush receives many tick bites during his normal bike rides, confirming that even his popularity rating among [...]
I was hiding from the Editor in the basement stairwell, when he appeared beside me and started eating the sub I was saving for lunch. “Gale,” he said in that gentle voice we all hate more than his roar. “I want a story about the people who still support Bush.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, [...]
Aug 3rd, 2007
“My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with,” said Harry Whittington, after the Veep shot him in the face.
But Dick Cheney’s latest victim has refused to apologize, after the Vice President’s theories took her to the top of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge with [...]
Aug 2nd, 2007
1,000,000 people died today. It was bad. The police are really mad. People’s families have been crying a lot. Some of the people who were killed were children, but most of them were adults. They cannot come back to life. Their bodies will be buried in the ground; some of them will be cremated.