Lush For Life

TAMPA, FL – While enjoying my usual drunken Monday evening routine watching the Ageless Bull lead the tormented Minnesota Vikings past the Green Bay Packers on Monday Night Football, my editor at LushForLife.com, Egbert Souse, phoned me with an urgent request.

SEATTLE – Eleven years after the brutal suicide of Seattle Grunge Legend Kurt Cobain left America’s youth in shock and dismay, the “teenage angst” that paid off so well is back to haunt a new generation of celebrity children.

NEW YORK, NY – Rockstar Games, the designers of the popular “Grand Theft Auto” gaming series, announced in a press release yesterday that they intend to develop a new video game based on the critically acclaimed 1988 film “Mississippi Burning”. Though the announcement comes as a bit of a shock to the gaming industry considering [...]

CLEARWATER, FL – For millions of years, evil, giant, super-intelligent, anal-retentive minotaurs have inhabited the planet Neptune, plotting the Earth’s destruction, unbeknownst to us. However, there is one human on the planet Earth who had the wherewithal to foresee this tragedy, and set out to make certain that the world will always be safe from [...]

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan, star of… well, no one really knows, was arrested last night for performing fellatio on a man in a Los Angeles nightclub. According to authorities, Lohan has been suspected of “sucking dick and/or balls” for the past several months, not only by them, but a large amount of the American public [...]

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron, director of such blow-yer-head-off testosterone flicks such as “The Terminator” and “Aliens”, decided to end his life, er, career in 1997 with the super stupid movie “Titanic”, and now that’s all he can talk about. Jesus, wasn’t that eight years ago? And what has he done since? Squat. Yet he still [...]

BURBANK, CA – A recent visit to Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, CA, revealed that the production company, in cooperation with Twentieth Century Fox and Cube Vision, are currently filming the next sequel in the “XXX” action/adventure series. The new installment, entitled “XXX3: Do the Math” (pronounced ‘Triple X Cubed’), has received the financial support [...]

LOS ANGELES – Talk radio personality Phil Hendrie, host of The Phil Hendrie Show, a comedy program which broadcasts on talk radio affiliates across the country, allegedly does not air “fake guests”: the voices heard on his program are actually the voices of real people proposing ridiculous and outlandish opinions, sources said.

TAMPA, FL – International superstar Jeremy Gloff entered the Betty Ford Clinic on Monday, August 29th, 2005, for an addiction to caffeine. Gloff started his career in Tampa, FL, in the summer of 1993. After three months of playing the local open-mic circuit at various coffee shops, Gloff was offered a $1.5 million contract from [...]

SACRAMENTO – A charity has been founded in California designed to offer members of the National Guard a more spiritual and relaxed work environment. The charity, founded by actor Jeff Goldblum, in conjunction with Sandoz Laboratories in Basel, Switzerland, will allow all members of the California National Guard to be readily available with Buddhist reading [...]