SEATTLE – Eleven years after the brutal suicide of Seattle Grunge Legend Kurt Cobain left America’s youth in shock and dismay, the “teenage angst” that paid off so well is back to haunt a new generation of celebrity children. Continue Reading

NEW YORK, NY – Rockstar Games, the designers of the popular “Grand Theft Auto” gaming series, announced in a press release yesterday that they intend to develop a new video game based on the critically acclaimed 1988 film “Mississippi Burning”. Though the announcement comes as a bit of a shock to the gaming industry considering the racially charged themes of the film, Rockstar CEO Terry Donovan believes the new game will be welcomed with open arms by the gaming community. Continue Reading

CLEARWATER, FL – For millions of years, evil, giant, super-intelligent, anal-retentive minotaurs have inhabited the planet Neptune, plotting the Earth’s destruction, unbeknownst to us. However, there is one human on the planet Earth who had the wherewithal to foresee this tragedy, and set out to make certain that the world will always be safe from evil, giant, super-intelligent, anal-retentive minotaurs from the planet Neptune, and that man is… actor/lunatic, Tom Cruise! Cruise contacted me, LushForLife.com journalist James Avalon, to give me a full description of how he saved the world from evil, giant, super-intelligent, anal-retentive minotaurs from the planet Neptune. This is what Cruise told me: Continue Reading

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan, star of… well, no one really knows, was arrested last night for performing fellatio on a man in a Los Angeles nightclub. According to authorities, Lohan has been suspected of “sucking dick and/or balls” for the past several months, not only by them, but a large amount of the American public as well (much pun intended). It wasn’t until an anonymous eyewitness called the LAPD and reported that they saw her accept money from a man, and then escort him to the women’s restroom, that they were finally able to “bust her busting nuts.” Lohan was arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct, indecent exposure (much pun intended), and prostitution. Continue Reading

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron, director of such blow-yer-head-off testosterone flicks such as “The Terminator” and “Aliens”, decided to end his life, er, career in 1997 with the super stupid movie “Titanic”, and now that’s all he can talk about. Jesus, wasn’t that eight years ago? And what has he done since? Squat. Yet he still manages to talk about it at every fucking opportunity. Continue Reading

BURBANK, CA – A recent visit to Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, CA, revealed that the production company, in cooperation with Twentieth Century Fox and Cube Vision, are currently filming the next sequel in the “XXX” action/adventure series. The new installment, entitled “XXX3: Do the Math” (pronounced ‘Triple X Cubed’), has received the financial support of two of the largest production studios in Hollywood to get the project off the ground, with a budget currently being projected at $300 million, sources said. Actor/Rap Artist Ice Cube is producing and currently slated to direct the film, and has also been an integral part of getting the massively budgeted project off the ground. Continue Reading

LOS ANGELES – Talk radio personality Phil Hendrie, host of The Phil Hendrie Show, a comedy program which broadcasts on talk radio affiliates across the country, allegedly does not air “fake guests”: the voices heard on his program are actually the voices of real people proposing ridiculous and outlandish opinions, sources said. Continue Reading

TAMPA, FL – International superstar Jeremy Gloff entered the Betty Ford Clinic on Monday, August 29^th, 2005, for an addiction to caffeine. Gloff started his career in Tampa, FL, in the summer of 1993. After three months of playing the local open-mic circuit at various coffee shops, Gloff was offered a $1.5 million contract from Geffen Records, which he accepted. He soon began work on his first studio album entitled True Stories. When True Stories was finished, Geffen began scheduling a six-month American/European tour consisting of theatre halls and arenas. However, Gloff refused to play theatres and arenas. Gloff insisted that he only play coffee shops. After several weeks of debating, Geffen finally agreed. Continue Reading

SACRAMENTO – A charity has been founded in California designed to offer members of the National Guard a more spiritual and relaxed work environment. The charity, founded by actor Jeff Goldblum, in conjunction with Sandoz Laboratories in Basel, Switzerland, will allow all members of the California National Guard to be readily available with Buddhist reading materials, free daily yoga sessions, and most notably, daily rations of the banned psychedelic drug LSD, Goldblum said during a press conference held on Monday: Continue Reading

HOLLYWOOD – A Hollywood insider tipped me off to a possible conspiracy to take over the world involving sometimes popular, though often maligned actor/director Kevin Costner. This anonymous source alluded to the idea that the reason Costner’s popularity has not been swayed by repetitive flop after flop in the box office is because Costner is in fact an alien, and has long standing ties with other suspected aliens who control various powerful positions in the world. When I asked my source what kind of information he or she had to prove such an outlandish accusation, he or she simply replied: “Just look at the facts. It would appear to a clear-thinking individual that no matter what Mr. Costner does, he always seems to benefit.” Continue Reading