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January Horoscopes

Aries: Your life is gay this month. Taurus: On January 29th, at exactly 10:42 PM, the police will knock on your door. When you open the door, they will begin to ask you questions regarding a murder in the neighborhood. You won’t be able to answer any of their questions, and they will leave, only […]

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December Horoscopes

Aries: Unfortunately, your hair will fall out: but don’t worry… it will grow back on your ass. Taurus: Adam Sandler will arrive at your doorstep and play the Chanukah Song in celebration of the holiday season, and for an extra $20 he will also reenact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in your front lawn for […]

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November Horoscopes

Aries: You have Bird Flu. Sorry. Better luck next time. Taurus: In a bizarre science experiment, you will crossbreed a horse and a wolf. You will dub this new creature with the name “worse.” It will be really fucking cool. (more…)

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October Horoscopes

Aries: Don’t fly on planes. Taurus: Your hot temper and stubborn attitude will cause those close to you to keep their distance. In short, no one likes you…kill yourself. (more…)

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro


This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]