Lush For Life

LARGO, FL – The city of progress took another giant stride in the direction of change Friday morning after firing City Manager Steve Stanton for wishing to don a dress and rule the city iron-fistedly as Susan Stanton. Recently re-elected City Commissioner Mary Gray Black sponsored legislation calling for a removed, cordoned-off section of town, [...]

In a White House Press briefing Friday, Press Secretary Tony Snow released an overwhelming library of evidence that Iran might be supplying Iraqi Sunni Islamo-Fascists with the explosives they use to blow innocent American GIs to bits and pieces.

BUTTE, MT – In a joint press conference held on Thursday by the heads of a plethora of terrorist groups, the subject arose of President Bush’s recent Baghdad visit and their renewed vow of solidarity in the complete hatred of the United States and its people.

EAST ALTON, IL – With the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals’ dismal ratings, reaching 0.3% of the viewing market, the Outdoor Life Network is being forced to result to flagrant sensationalism in an attempt to regain some market share. After being criticized for airing blatantly indoor activities such as arena football and pool tournaments, OLN announced [...]

NORFOLK, VA – Creation science looks to move from the category of alleged “meta-science” to full-fledged science, this week, with the release of a series of profound studies. In a lecture at Liberty University entitled The One, Well Documented, Objective, Truly Legitimate View of the Beginning of Time, Dr. Walt Brown, MIT graduate and author [...]

STAFFORD, TX – Representative Tom DeLay held a press conference, today, in an attempt to boost his public image and defend the controversially genius gerrymandering program he implemented in his home state of Texas.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – One day after car bombs and Molotov Cocktails rocked the quiet university town of Cambridge, city leaders begin to clean up as a community remains divided. The violence at Harvard University came about as the result of tensions based on a dispute over an obscure passage from a piece of archaic fiction.

DES MOINES – The ability of George W. Bush to appoint two supreme court justices has had an unforeseen impact on the private sector as factories are refitted to accommodate new products. In an unprecedented move, domestic product manufacturer Forworld Industrial Co., Ltd has stated in an official press release that it plans on producing [...]

CHAPEL HILL, NC – In a press conference Wednesday, biologist Dr. Gerald F. Takemura and psychologist Dr. Francine Holmesworth-Meyer released the findings of a groundbreaking study in the new field of “Dude-broism.” The findings of the study indicate that “Dude-broism” in males is inherited maternally and those that suffer from this condition, or “Dude-bros,” are [...]