The Dalai Lama is causing trouble again. The mutually suspicious but financially lucrative relationship between China and the U.S. hit a small bump in the road last week. That bump was a bald man with a permanently serene smile welded onto his Tibetan head. His Holiness the Dalai Lama was in Washington to receive a Congressional Gold Medal and to meet with George Bush. Numerous focus groups from Europe and the U.S. informed the White House that any time the President spent within the peaceful aura of the Dali Lama would help to improve his image as a war mongering fool. There only remained the problem of the Chinese… Continue Reading

I feel for you my American cousins; I really do. If this is your chosen reading material, then you may well have heard of far off places outside the Bay Area, like Scotland, Albania, or Tunisia, you may even be able to find such places on a map. You might be capable of conceiving that there are people who have never eaten at KFC’s, girls who have never dreamed of being a cheerleader for their local college team or boys who have no idea what a tailgate is. This article is for you, people. Continue Reading

General Jack Keane, architect of the US “surge” in Iraq, called British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a “yellow-bellied loser,” in referrence to the British Army turning tail and retreating from the strategically vital stronghold of Basra in the South of Iraq. British military sources have told Lush For Life that the withdrawal was part of the ongoing process of handing responsibilities over to Iraqi security forces.
I asked Keane, in a telephone interview, what his thoughts were on the devolution of power to local forces:
“You British guys are a bunch of pussies – either you got our back in this imperialist occupation or you don’t. Who said anything about training the locals to do anything? If we did that, we wouldn’t be in control, would we?” Continue Reading

Four years ago, I went for a walk in the fair city of London. More than nine hundred thousand, nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine other people happened to be walking in the same direction as me at the same time. Either it was an amazing coincidence, or as the banners many folks were carrying suggested, it was The Anti-War March, organized a few months before Britain or America went to war against Iraq. It was the largest protest march in Britain since the General strike of 1926. The famously apolitical and apathetic Generation X put their coats on, grabbed their hats, lifted up their anti-war banners and took to the streets of London to make their views known to Tony Blair and G. Bush.

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NORTH POLE – Shocking news of slavery and cruelty has come to light at the start of the festive season. Santa Claus has been arrested for crimes against Elves. The newly ratified laws on Elf, Pixie, and Fairy Rights became law late last week. Since that time, a team of lawyers who have been the long-term representatives of Santa’s Elves issued a list of crimes that they say have been committed by Santa over many years. The Lapland Police made the arrest yesterday, amid protests from children, who fear their stockings may go empty this year. Continue Reading

METROPOLIS – The average American citizen does not have superpowers, latent or otherwise, rebuffing the slew of television shows, films, and fictional accounts to the contrary. As a matter of fact, studies show that the average American citizen is just that: average. Continue Reading

MALAYSIA – Divers have made an orgasmic discovery off the coast of Malaysia. LushForLife.com rushed me out on the Lear jet to find out more. “It is amazing,” said Sunny, from Sunlight Divers. “I have been diving here for seven years and I never realized…” Continue Reading

BEIJING, CHINA – The world famous Shaolin Temple unveiled to the world press, yesterday, that the venerable Head Abbot has discovered an ancient text that could be the ultimate force in martial arts. Continue Reading