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1,000,000 Dead

1,000,000 people died today. It was bad. The police are really mad. People’s families have been crying a lot. Some of the people who were killed were children, but most of them were adults. They cannot come back to life. Their bodies will be buried in the ground; some of them will be cremated. (more…)

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Risky Business

CLEARWATER,FL – Tom Cruise announced, today, that he plans on eating both the umbilical cord and placenta after Katie Holmes gives birth to their child. Since no doctor in their right mind would ever let him, or any man, for that matter, do this, TomKat plans to give birth to their child in the privacy […]

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Denny’s Introduces New Menu Item

The popular American restaurant chain Denny’s announced, today, that they have added a new item to their menu which they are sure will boost sales. It’s called the “You Kill It, We Grill It” platter. Here’s how it works: you bring in any dead animal of any size and any species, and Denny’s will prepare […]

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April Horoscopes

Aries: The poops you take this month will be the best poops ever! Every trip to the toilet will be a wonderful trip to Happy-Poopy-Magic-Land. Each piece of poop will be approximately six inches long and 3 inches in diameter. Your sphincter muscles will seem to cooperate in an almost supernatural way as they allow […]

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Bible Sets Record For World’s Longest Running Chain Letter

LONDON – The Guinness Book of World Records announced, today, that the Bible (both Old and New Testament) will be included in their 2006 edition for holding the record as the world’s longest running chain letter. The Bible, which has existed for over two thousand years, has been classified by the Guinness Book of World […]

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Increase Your Metabolism Fast!

Everyone has that one friend who can eat an entire bowl of chocolate ice cream without ever gaining a pound. Why is it that they never gain weight no matter what they eat while you sit back and watch every calorie you consume go straight to you hips, butt, thighs, and stomach? The answer is… […]

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January Horoscopes

Aries: Your life is gay this month. Taurus: On January 29th, at exactly 10:42 PM, the police will knock on your door. When you open the door, they will begin to ask you questions regarding a murder in the neighborhood. You won’t be able to answer any of their questions, and they will leave, only […]

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I Think This Alcohol Thing Is Going to Catch On!

Being the wealthy business investor that I am, I’m always looking for the next big trend in American culture. Well, the other night I was at a party, and this fellow handed me a drink. As soon as I put the cup to my lips, I knew this was no ordinary drink. It had a […]

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Santa Claus’ Letter To Penthouse

TAMPA, FL – intercepted a letter to Penthouse Magazine written by none other than Kris Kringle himself. The letter was sent via the US Postal service, and had the return address: “North Pole.” (more…)

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December Horoscopes

Aries: Unfortunately, your hair will fall out: but don’t worry… it will grow back on your ass. Taurus: Adam Sandler will arrive at your doorstep and play the Chanukah Song in celebration of the holiday season, and for an extra $20 he will also reenact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in your front lawn for […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro


This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]