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Quest for Reverse Fountain Of Youth Fails

CRYSTAL RIVER, FL – Two teenagers put on eye make-up, but still look like jailbait, acquaintances say. Hilary Sbarc and Veronica Dexter, referred to by their classmates as best friends forever, or BFF, invested in twenty-two dollars worth of eye-makeup last Thursday, in hopes of looking older and attracting older guys they meet at the […]

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Dear Dr. Belvedere

Dr. Audrielle Belvedere is the resident Psychoanalyst at LushForLife.com’s main headquarters in Tampa, Florida. She will be answering your questions in a semi-regular fashion, giving blunt, frank advice to the sick minds that patronize the pages of L4L. (more…)

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July Horoscopes

Cancer: Your life sucks just enough to consider killing yourself. Wait until later, though, when you are married and with children, so you can screw them out of your life insurance policy at the same time. (more…)

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Alligator Attacks Linked To Religious Extremists

SWAMPWATER, FL – Beads of dew reflect off of the blades of grass in the humid city of Swampwater, Florida, a small ringworm harvesting community with a love for Jesus and down-home traditions. I came here looking for answers… answers to why so many alligator attacks have been going on. (more…)

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Local Homeless Man Rivals Nostradamus

TAMPA – Local homeless man Darryl “Divine” Marcum, who comfortably resides under a blue plastic tarp beneath the overpass of Fletcher Avenue and I-275, claims to have unforeseen powers of prognostication that would rival even the great Nostradamus himself. (more…)

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I Love George Bush

Guest writer Summer Fields is a second grader at the Tampa Baptist and Young Republican Academy. CHICAGO – In his first public speech using words in English in over five years, President George Bush proved just how awesome he is to the Restaurant Association meeting in Chicago. (more…)

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May Horoscopes

Aries: You are going to find the love of your life this month. But that doesn’t matter… Because of your nature to lose interest easily, you are going to be distracted by flashy objects and get so dizzy that you puke on her. You wanted to apologize, but you already lost interest and wandered over […]

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Bad Hair Day Leaves Teen Dead

FT. PIERCE, FL – Another tragic death of a local 15-year-old teen has been attributed to a new hairstyle that has become prominent in the emo/hardcore/gay community. The haircut features long bangs that all but completely block the vision in the left or right eye. (more…)

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How Disgusting Can You Be?

I was sitting on the toilet – my throne, my “Fortress of Solitude” – depositing a (more…)

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Ramen Noodle Price Hike Scare

With prices steadily rising on gasoline and real estate, the noodle industry is no exception. The Nissin Corporation, manufacturer of Top Ramen Noodles, has announced a 10% price increase on its signature product, Top Ramen Noodles. Consumers can now expect to pay eleven cents at the grocery store for their noodle fix up from a […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]