Lush For Life

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University Police during a question and answer session with Jack Hanna at the Sun Dome. Myers, a senior majoring in anthropology, insinuated that the host of the popular TV show Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures continued his [...]

WASHINGTON – US Press Secretary Dana Perino arrived at the podium, the air heavy with tension, when she broke the news that heralded super-sleuth Nancy Drew had been captured and now detained by the CIA at the infamous Guantanamo Bay terrorist repository in Cuba. Perino, sullenly, addressed the awaiting press: “Good morning, everybody… I have [...]

Lush for Life’s newest intrepid reporter, Marriot A. Lamb, has been aware that Hillary Clinton has been getting more than her fair share of attention with regards to her proposed changes to the Health Care system. He called Mitt Romney (who is at least a Presidential candidate with a full complement of decision-making organs) to [...]

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You will wake up this morning and find a red, swelled lesion seeping puss on the either the tip of your penis, or the edge of your labia. You might as well just cut it off… you weren’t going to use it anyway. Libra (September 23 – October 22): [...]

To those of our citizens, and others in the international community who have been assaulted by the hysterical reactions of the leftists to the impending invasion of Canada, I feel an obligation to put things in perspective: a look at the Big Picture. A little recent American history may help explain why the New World [...]

CLEVELAND – Everyone knows that comedian/actor Drew Carey, 49, has announced that he will be replacing legendary host Bob Barker this fall on The Price is Right. But in a press conference yesterday, the affable crew-cut-sporting Carey revealed why he chose to be on the program. “America relates to me. Anyone who has listened to [...]

Capricorn: Take it easy this month. Things that come easy to you will suddenly become more difficult. To relax, you will spend your time watching TV. Some of your favorite shows will include: Leave it to Beaver, Peyton Place, Dynasty, and The Andy Griffith Show. You share your sign with J. D. Salinger.

In the wake of the April 16th shootings at Virginia Tech, gun control advocates and critics all came out to present their political argument on why this tragedy is a perfect example of why their opinion is the right one. Well, you know what they say about opinions: they’re like assholes, everyone has one, and [...]

NEW PORT RICHEY, FL- Chaos erupted at a local Starbucks after 37-year-old William “Jook-Daddy” Clements allegedly lost his pants while ordering a latte, inadvertently exposing his genitalia to several underage high school students. Jook-Daddy, advised by his court-appointed public defender to abstain from addressing the media, could not be reached for comment. Witnesses to the [...]

Dear Dr. Belvedere,  I am nineteen years old and an aspiring model. Anna Nicole Smith has always been my idol and I am trying to follow in her footsteps. Do you have any advice on how I can go about my career and goals? –Alana Nichole Smythe