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Potter-esque Crack For Bald Brokers

Alan Greenspan’s much-anticipated memoirs, entitled “The Age of Turbulence”, hit bookshelves last week. The fanfare surrounding the novel was amazing, with people in some areas of the country queuing for hours in much the same way they would for a new Harry Potter novel. Outside of the Wall Street Barnes & Noble, approximately 400 middle-aged, […]

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Chinese Army Hacks Vice President

WASHINGTON – The vulnerabilities of the United States Government’s computer assets were thrown into the spotlight this week as concerns in and around the beltway began to grow with the surprising announcement that the Chinese People’s Liberation Army, or PLA, had hacked into a network affiliated with the office of Secretary of Defense Robert Gates […]

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Gravel Campaign Powers Ahead

The 2008 Presidential election campaign of former Alaska senator Maurice Robert “Mike” Gravel powered forward this week, astonishing even the most experienced pundits. News media organizations from all over the nation swarmed to the Gravel campaign headquarters located in the second floor common room in Morrison Hall on the University of Alaska Anchorage campus. Reporters […]

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Candidates Release Medical Treatment Records

Continuing an obsession with secrecy seldom seen outside of the wards of mental institutions, the Bush administration revealed recently that the President underwent treatment for Lyme disease last year. Lyme disease is transmitted primarily by ticks and, apparently, Bush receives many tick bites during his normal bike rides, confirming that even his popularity rating among […]

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Al-Qaeda Behind Housing Slowdown

Over the past few weeks, as Republicans have started to abandon the Iraq war in droves, the Bush administration has been going to great lengths to explain to the public how winning the War in Iraq is integral to winning the War on Terror. Despite CIA and National Intelligence Estimate reports to the contrary, administration […]

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Supreme Court Shuts Down

WASHINGTON – Last Thursday, the Roberts Court handed down a landmark decision that effectively quashed the desegregation plans of hundreds of public school systems all across the United States. Writing for the majority opinion, Chief Justice John Roberts said that race should not be used in anyway, either for positive or negative outcomes, as a […]

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Blair Denied Green Card

Ever since British Prime Minister Tony Blair played a key role in championing President Bush’s invasion of Iraq, his popularity in Britain has been falling. The man whose drive and popularity orchestrated “New Labour’s” resurgence against the British Conservatives ten years ago now finds himself the cause of Labour electoral losses all over the country. […]

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Democrats Subpoena Barney

During the Congressional elections of 2006, Democrats assured voters they would not follow in the footsteps of the Republican Congress during the Clinton years by wasting time with frivolous investigations. Less than six months on, they to appear to have backtracked on that promise. Last night, Congressman Henry Waxman, Chairman of the House Oversight Committee, […]

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]