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Goodbye, Jerry!

JerryWinky

LYNCHBURG, VA – Jerry Falwell, the moral and spiritual beacon for all God-fearing, minority-loathing, gun-toting, Jew-hating, science-snubbing, feminist-fearing, violence-endorsing Christians died Tuesday at 73 from heart rhythm abnormality. The Reverend’s heart failure seems to have been caused by over-excitement during a liaison with one of his many regular Mexican male prostitutes at his office at […]

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Entire Republican Party Stricken With Cancer

WASHINGTON – One day following the announcement of Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, is afflicted with the saddest of all cancers, breast cancer, the Republican party rebounded with some vote-getting news of their own: every member of the Republican Party, including the Executive Branch, the Senate, House of Representatives, Cabinet Members, and even […]

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Local Homeless Put Out In Intergalactic Buyout

ST. PETERSBURG – Over one hundred fifty homeless people were evicted from their tents, Wednesday, after repeated chances to leave were ignored by the smelly group of drunken bums. Tent City, as it came to be known, was home to these vagabonds, until intergalactic real estate mogul Lando Calrissian arranged a buyout of the four-acre […]

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Lush For Life Goes To Print!

Lush For Life, the Internet’s premiere site for all things bold, comedic, original, and fake, is taking one more shot at arch-rival TheOnion by jumping head-first into the unknown and oversaturated market of newsprint.   Beginning in January, you will be able to pick up a copy of this fine publication at local hot spots […]

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Anxiety Attacks Trigger Acid Flashbacks

OMAHA – As the days of fear and reckoning expand outwards on a United States people filled with dread and anxiety of terrorist attacks, tainted water, and smoggy air, the number of hallucinogenic flashbacks has increased amongst hippies and philosophers alike.   Camera salesman Burt Langolier of Blitz Camera in Omaha experienced a psychedelic freak […]

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Ester-C: The New Ecstasy

TAMPA – By now, we have all heard Larry King’s ads for the super-vitamin, Ester-C. It is marketed to the old and the feeble (usually mutually exclusive), and is pimped between Paul Harvey segments. (more…)

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Florida Gator Attacks Linked To Douchebagism

LUTZ, FL – In the ongoing media feeding frenzy that is the latest sensationalized sub-par journalistic pig’s vomit, alligators are this season’s avian-flu, with bags and shoes to match. The continuous flow of dangers described to us by an obviously concerned, albeit psychotic media, have started to sound weak, even to the most paranoid press-passer. […]

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LushForLife.com Sued!

TAMPA – Because of a class action suit filed on Tuesday, the Internet’s premiere home of wit, wisdom, satire, and parody, LushForLife.com, is in danger of being wiped off the face of the planet, as multi-national corporate conglomerates, in conjunction with the White House and several elite sects of Afghani terrorists and ex-KGB officials, have […]

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A Flying ‘Fuck’ At Phil Hendrie

HERE – Phil Hendrie, undisputed master of AM Radio comedy, hero to all, savior of children, slayer of elves, wrecker of homes, and lover of the loveless, has announced his so-called retirement from the airwaves to pursue the limelight on television and in the movies, leaving thousands of hardcore fans out in the cold to […]

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NSA A Useless Piece Of Shit

HERE, NOW – The NSA is a useless piece of shit. I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about some bullshit they be pullin’ on the little guy every two weeks. The latest I’ve heard is that they are monitoring calling records. What jerks! (more…)

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“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]