Lush For Life

WASHINGTON – One day following the announcement of Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, is afflicted with the saddest of all cancers, breast cancer, the Republican party rebounded with some vote-getting news of their own: every member of the Republican Party, including the Executive Branch, the Senate, House of Representatives, Cabinet Members, and even [...]

ST. PETERSBURG – Over one hundred fifty homeless people were evicted from their tents, Wednesday, after repeated chances to leave were ignored by the smelly group of drunken bums. Tent City, as it came to be known, was home to these vagabonds, until intergalactic real estate mogul Lando Calrissian arranged a buyout of the four-acre [...]

Lush For Life, the Internet’s premiere site for all things bold, comedic, original, and fake, is taking one more shot at arch-rival TheOnion by jumping head-first into the unknown and oversaturated market of newsprint.   Beginning in January, you will be able to pick up a copy of this fine publication at local hot spots [...]

OMAHA – As the days of fear and reckoning expand outwards on a United States people filled with dread and anxiety of terrorist attacks, tainted water, and smoggy air, the number of hallucinogenic flashbacks has increased amongst hippies and philosophers alike.   Camera salesman Burt Langolier of Blitz Camera in Omaha experienced a psychedelic freak [...]

TAMPA – By now, we have all heard Larry King’s ads for the super-vitamin, Ester-C. It is marketed to the old and the feeble (usually mutually exclusive), and is pimped between Paul Harvey segments.

LUTZ, FL – In the ongoing media feeding frenzy that is the latest sensationalized sub-par journalistic pig’s vomit, alligators are this season’s avian-flu, with bags and shoes to match. The continuous flow of dangers described to us by an obviously concerned, albeit psychotic media, have started to sound weak, even to the most paranoid press-passer.

TAMPA – Because of a class action suit filed on Tuesday, the Internet’s premiere home of wit, wisdom, satire, and parody, LushForLife.com, is in danger of being wiped off the face of the planet, as multi-national corporate conglomerates, in conjunction with the White House and several elite sects of Afghani terrorists and ex-KGB officials, have [...]

HERE – Phil Hendrie, undisputed master of AM Radio comedy, hero to all, savior of children, slayer of elves, wrecker of homes, and lover of the loveless, has announced his so-called retirement from the airwaves to pursue the limelight on television and in the movies, leaving thousands of hardcore fans out in the cold to [...]

HERE, NOW – The NSA is a useless piece of shit. I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about some bullshit they be pullin’ on the little guy every two weeks. The latest I’ve heard is that they are monitoring calling records. What jerks!

NEW YORK – David Blaine, illusionist extraordinaire, wasted our time, yet again, as he senselessly submerged his hairy-ass body in a fishbowl of water for a week to be followed by his coup de grace of holding his breathe for an astounding eight minutes and fifty-eight seconds.