Lush For Life

BERLIN, GERMANY – As the final few games of the 2006 FIFA World Cup finish up and we head into the “Round of 16 Elimination”, ESPN and ABC’s ratings are starting to trickle in, stunning the critics. Reaching between 2 and 3 percent of cable TV viewers in the US, the 2006 World Cup is [...]

TAMPA – A surprising study published by the World Health Organization (WHO… not the rock band) has rocketed a new issue above global warming, terrorism, and avian-flu: bullshit.

The latest plague ravaging the already slow internal hemorrhaging that is the Ebola-infected death of our culture has finally pushed me over the edge.

CANNES, FRANCE – The red carpet was rolled out, the champagne bottles popped, the tuxedos came off the racks, and a Catholic nun recited the rosary and prayed on the steps of the theater.

WASHINGTON – In the ongoing debate as to whether or not the United States goes to war with Iran in August or in January rages, questions have arisen as to how the greatest President since James Buchanan plans to pay to give those lunatics a damn good thrashing.

REDMOND, WA – In an announcement that shocked the technology sector today, the Garter research company predicted that Microsoft‘s revolutionary new upgrade to the Windows line of operating systems, Vista, might be delayed again.

TAMPA – With gas prices around the country nearing an average of over three dollars, many consumers are staying away from the pump altogether. So dire is the situation, many metro area police stations are being inundated by missing persons reports of SUV owners, and drivers of large trucks have been spotted weeping openly in [...]

SHANGHAI – There is a new flavor of experimentation wafting through the halls of power at McDonald’s headquarters. “The old model worked well for so long, but that is changing,” says head P.R. man Mike Mandrake. “Our old commitment to selling the same hamburgers all over the world just is not raking in the cash [...]

ALBANY, CA – After years of Christian-skewed religious celebrations of the Spring equinox, a small community of Californian residents are taking back Easter. The rights that were performed were taken from the most accurate writings available of the Assyrian Queen demigod, Semiramis. John Poikin, of Albany, led the service.