L4L Mitt Romney Sit Down Interview

Lush for Life’s newest intrepid reporter, Marriot A. Lamb, has been aware that Hillary Clinton has been getting more than her fair share of attention with regards to her proposed changes to the Health Care system.
He called Mitt Romney (who is at least a Presidential candidate with a full complement of decision-making organs) to get some perspective on her proposal.
Romney was in Salt Lake City buying more magic underwear for his campaign, but agreed to talk on condition that Marriot promised to become a Mormon. (You’d think he’d know by now that you can cross your fingers behind your back when you’re on a phone when no one can see you!)
Marriot A. Lamb: Governor Romney, you don’t agree with Senator Clinton that we can give everyone health care. But if universal health care was good enough for Massachusetts, why isn’t it good enough for the rest of the country?

Mitt Romney: Marriot, you have to understand that the people of Massachusetts are better than most Americans. They’re better than the citizens of any other developed nation in the world, so they were ready for what other advanced nations have: universal healthcare. But you can’t extend this kind of privilege to just anyone – like people living in the other states. So that’s why my new plan is to leave health care on a state-by-state basis. And remember that I specifically mentioned Texas as one state I wouldn’t touch.

MAL: Interesting. So your Massachusetts’ plan was not “European-style socialized medicine,” and her plan is?

MR: I would rather die a slow painful death than be covered by Hillary’s bonehead socialist plan, and I can also speak on behalf of the 45 million uninsured Americans on this issue. I have done intensive and extensive research, having spoken to my friends, all of whom agree with me, and I have also spoken to God while I was in the Temple (which is the only place to speak to God), and He is totally opposed to Hillary’s plan.

MAL: It’s wonderful how you stand up for 45 million Americans Governor… Now, if Senator Clinton is elected, and she does try to get Americans better healthcare, do you think that the insurance and drug lobbies will be able to get her to back down on these campaign promises?

MR:  They will have to. It is un-American. How will the insurance companies make a profit if they are cut out of the loop? Aetna’s in every decent share portfolio there is! The rich are supposed to become richer and those who can’t afford to pay the premiums have only themselves to blame for not working harder and making more money. My proposal is that all the poor become Mormons and then God will provide for them. You have never met a poor Mormon, have you?

MAL: Not really, come to think of it. Why are there no poor Mormons Governor?

MR: It’s the magic underwear Marriot.

MAL: That’s a very thought-provoking answer. Can you FedEx me a couple of pairs of underwear? I can keep my promise to become a Mormon, and then I can make enough money to give up this crummy job.

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