The New Kid In School Gets Into His First Playground Fight

General Jack Keane, architect of the US “surge” in Iraq, called British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a “yellow-bellied loser,” in referrence to the British Army turning tail and retreating from the strategically vital stronghold of Basra in the South of Iraq. British military sources have told Lush For Life that the withdrawal was part of the ongoing process of handing responsibilities over to Iraqi security forces.
I asked Keane, in a telephone interview, what his thoughts were on the devolution of power to local forces:
“You British guys are a bunch of pussies – either you got our back in this imperialist occupation or you don’t. Who said anything about training the locals to do anything? If we did that, we wouldn’t be in control, would we?”

David Miliband, the new Foreign Secretary in Britain said last night that “our decisions in Basra reflect the situation on the ground, above all the growing capacity of the Iraqi security forces, and are signed off by the Coalition and the Iraqi government.” Miliband went on to say that “General Keane can go fuck himself! Nobody calls the Prime Minister a coward and expects to get away with it.”
In an unprecedented escalation of the war of words between Downing Street and the US Military, Prime Minister Brown flew out to Baghdad last night to confront General Keane in person. Lush For Life was there to witness this new front in the Iraq war.
Prime Minister Brown, is a tough, no-nonsense Scot, is reported to have a decent left hook, and has been known to use a Scottish fighting technique affectionately referred to as “the Glasgow Kiss”, otherwise known as a head butt to the nose. The bare-knuckle fight that followed was brutal and frequently below the belt. The retired Secretary of the United Nations, Kofi Annan, turned up to referee the fight, but could in no way be called a fair referee due to his new found love of Scottish whiskey and his longstanding mistrust of the US forces in Iraq. Although General Keane put up a pretty good fight, he turned out to be no match for the kilt-wearing Brown.
When asked to respond to the fight between the British Prime Minister and the American General, President George “Dubya” Bush looked confused (more confused than normal) before saying to the world’s media, “What are you guys talking about? My buddy Tony Blair is still Prime Minister isn’t he?”

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