New “Price Is Right” Host Drew Carey Is Just Like You!

CLEVELAND – Everyone knows that comedian/actor Drew Carey, 49, has announced that he will be replacing legendary host Bob Barker this fall on The Price is Right. But in a press conference yesterday, the affable crew-cut-sporting Carey revealed why he chose to be on the program. “America relates to me. Anyone who has listened to my stand-up or watched me on The Drew Carey Show knows that I am just an ordinary, middle-class guy who likes to drink. And what game show do I love to watch most when I am hung over in the middle of the day? You guessed it: The Price Is Right,” the millionaire black-rimmed-spectacle-wearing Average Joe said.
“I am so excited to finally be on this show! Bob Barker is a legend; don’t get me wrong, but I think America is ready for a working-class, down-to-earth host on The Price. Somebody they can have beers with before, during, and after the show. Did you know that I actually grew up here in Cleveland? I mean; can you get more blue-collar than that?” Carey said while reaching for a tissue box stuffed with hundred-dollar bills after reading a Playboy. “Get ready America: I’m going to get so plastered as the host!”
When reached for comment on Carey, Barker replied, “Why did Anna Nicole have to go so soon? She was obviously into the gray pubes, and I hit that several times. The price is right, but you can’t put a price on that ass. What – I mean who – do I have left to do now that I am done with the show?” When asked to elaborate specifically on his opinion about Carey replacing him, Barker said, “Yes, I like him. He is very much the common man because he drinks a lot and shit. I talked to him on the phone about the show and he said we should meet up soon to ‘down a few brewskies.’ That made me feel comfortable with him since every average guy says stuff like that. I know I did when I was his age.”
Carey already has successful hosting experience from his time on the improvisational comedy show Whose Line Is It Anyway?, and believes this has more than adequately prepared him for his new gig. “Whose line is it, anyway? It’s my line, bitch! I do cocaine!” Carey paused. “Actually, the typical guy probably does not do cocaine; sorry about that. But if I was offered it by a group of normal, red-blooded guys who all did it themselves, you know I would also do it!”
“So how about the Indians? You think they’re going to win another pennant? Maybe they will if they get Rick ‘Wild Thing’ Vaughn! Speaking of Vaughn, that Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ‘ace!’ And I know from experience! You watch the Cleveland Browns at all? That’s my team! If they don’t start winning soon, I’m going to have to flush them all down the toilet; because they’re browns – get it? So do you feel a connection with me yet, America? Do I like what you like? Great! Let’s all get fucking wasted and I’ll see you this fall! The price is right, bitch!” Carey said as he left the press conference for his Porsche, which

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