Lush For Life

Not a Vick-tim… In a statement made by NAACP President Dennis Courtland Hayes on Thursday, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick “is not a victim,” and “should be held accountable.” Hayes also said Vick should be welcomed back to the Falcons and the community after his prison sentence is completed. As far as L4L is concerned, [...]

NEW YORK – As the forthcoming NFL football season approaches, professional football junkies, fantasy league participants, gambling degenerates, and stats fiends have found themselves in a belligerent frenzy for kickoff weekend spreads, and have become waiting sponges for info on third-string flier backups and their stat lines in all-night ESPN viewing binges. With so much [...]

A recent poll by the American Research Group found that 45% of Americans want President George “Dubya” Bush to face impeachment, and 54% think that Cheney should be kicked out of office. Bruce Fein, the guy who wrote the first article of impeachment for Clinton and a dyed-in-the-wool conservative Republican, is now volunteering to write [...]

The 2008 Presidential election campaign of former Alaska senator Maurice Robert “Mike” Gravel powered forward this week, astonishing even the most experienced pundits. News media organizations from all over the nation swarmed to the Gravel campaign headquarters located in the second floor common room in Morrison Hall on the University of Alaska Anchorage campus. Reporters [...]

Continuing an obsession with secrecy seldom seen outside of the wards of mental institutions, the Bush administration revealed recently that the President underwent treatment for Lyme disease last year. Lyme disease is transmitted primarily by ticks and, apparently, Bush receives many tick bites during his normal bike rides, confirming that even his popularity rating among [...]

I was hiding from the Editor in the basement stairwell, when he appeared beside me and started eating the sub I was saving for lunch. “Gale,” he said in that gentle voice we all hate more than his roar. “I want a story about the people who still support Bush.” I breathed a sigh of [...]

It has been a month now since the dust settled after the final, frantic charge of millions to get their clammy hands on the concluding installment of the bifocaled boy-wizard’s adventures. As the last of the particularly slow readers lay down Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the realization that life has been forever changed [...]

“My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with,” said Harry Whittington, after the Veep shot him in the face. But Dick Cheney’s latest victim has refused to apologize, after the Vice President’s theories took her to the top of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge [...]

The Editor went roaring though the Lush For Life offices looking for an unoccupied writer. I panicked. I don’t know why I hide under my desk, because it’s the first place he looks. “Did you see the Bill Maher stand-up special?” he demanded. “He was saying that Americans believe that we are the ‘best country [...]

Making Gaines with spoiled Rice… The Tampa Bay Buccaneers made another questionable roster move last week, presumably to further entrench themselves as the most poorly run organization in the entire NFL, releasing perennial Pro-Bowl defensive end Simeon Rice, reportedly due to a failed physical upon arriving at training camp in Lake Buena Vista, FL. The [...]