Danny’s Sports Box


Oden an omen… With the first selection in the 2007 NBA Draft, the Portland Trail Blazers drafted Greg Oden, a seven-foot monster center from Ohio State. Oden is heralded as the best big-man to enter the league since the likes of future Hall of Fame locks Shaquille O’Neal and Tim Duncan, and was the clear-cut obvious choice to go number one, even over the freakishly awesome Kevin Durant. The pick marks the first time the Blazers have done something right in over a decade, but it didn’t occur without some deliberation. Team management contemplated trading the pick to Orlando for so-far bust forward Darko Milicic, and when that fell through, thought about trading the pick to the New York Knicks for cash, which they would use to purchase the rights to Khalid Sheikh Mohammed from the US military base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. After attempts to acquire Mohammed fell through, the team decided to go ahead and select Oden. He may not have been their first choice, but they may get a few NBA championships out of it, anyway…
Daly wins again, for the first time… Legendary golfer John Daly – legendary around the Lush For Life newsroom, anyway – won the Telus World Skins Event for the second year in a row, for the first time in the event’s history, last month. Between his golf matches, Daly has built a reputation of engaging in all-night drinking binges, getting in bar fights, rugby-tackling fans in Australian bathrooms, and smoking cigarettes and eating greasy potato chips while hung over at 7 a.m. during golf tournaments. Daly’s technique is far from refined, as he possesses one of the most powerful drives in all of golf, but is a far cry from a decent putter. Nonetheless, Daly released his unmatched skills on the field and won a tournament. Lush For Life is currently in the process of organizing an exclusive interview with Daly, which will last 36-hours and involve large amounts of booze, cocaine, cigarettes, and LSD…
Beck remembered… Former All-Star closing pitcher Rod Beck passed away last week from unknown causes, reportedly. Beck, who hasn’t played in the Majors since 2004, still remained an avid baseball competitor, playing in a small minor Iowa league. Beck reportedly purchased an RV, which he lived in outside the small baseball field where he played, and often entertained fans and anyone who cared to knock on his door, sharing a beer and discussing baseball. What a badass. Lush For Life loves you, Rod Beck…
The Kobe Channel… Following making his displeasure known to Lakers ownership and management, a video of All-Star Lakers guard Kobe Bryant popped up on YouTube, showing the star player talking shit about his team and demanding a trade from an empty parking lot in the wee hours of the morning. This is all fine and good in the age of the megalomaniacal narcissistic athlete, but whomever posted the video, presumably one of Bryant’s friends, was charging $1.99 for the right to view the video. It is unclear how much money the unnamed person made, but one thing is clear: Kobe Bryant is fucked up…
All-Star voters are stupid… San Francisco Giants outfielder and suspected roid-head Barry Bonds was selected to his 14th All-Star game on Sunday, narrowly sneaking past Chicago Cubs outfielder Alfonso Soriano for the final roster spot. Though much speculation surrounds the 43-year-old steroid user regarding performance-enhancing drugs, and he is about to break the most prized record in all of baseball, fans still selected him to the game. Not only does he not deserve to represent the league and is having a sub-par season, nobody likes him, either, which raises the question of who voted for him. There are a lot of fans in San Fran who adore him, but not enough to make that great of a difference. Hopefully Dan Haren, C.C. Sabathia, Jonathan Papelbon, or any other of the American League pitchers do the right thing and bury some chin music right into his freggin’ head. It’s so enormous it’d be hard to miss. –DA

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