Guns Don’t Kill People


I see the talking heads screaming for gun control. The Virginia Tech shootings have dragged out those god-awful idiots who make the Democratic party look like sniveling, opportunistic, pussies – That’s right Rosie O’Donnel, I’m talking to you. They howl and bitch about their gun control legislation that, if passed, would have prevented the terrible events of April 16th. Bullshit! Even in countries where private gun ownership is banned, a wacko gets hold of a gun and blows a few innocents away. Boy did Imus get off easy this week. However, just because a few fellow liberals are embarrassments and should have their faces grated off with a rusty cheese grater, it doesn’t mean that we should start handing out glocks.

I always find it incredible that the first ones to stand up and defend gun ownerships are the same, brainless Republican hypocrites who call themselves Christians. Jesus turned the other cheek, not blew the slapper’s head open with his 9mm. Yet they go on an on about “if guns were outlawed, only the outlaws would have guns.” SO!? That’s a great fucking idea! In countries where they don’t have private gun ownership, if you pull a gun on a liquor store, they don’t send the cops after you, they send SWAT teams and Special Forces and whatnot. So even criminals are scared to use a gun.

The U.S. rate for gun deaths is around 14.24 per 100,000 people. In Japan it’s about .05 per 100,000. And then I hear Todd Schnitt (local idiot talk show host and goat molester, probably) saying that there was a shooting in Japan, so that means that gun laws don’t mean anything. Do these shit-for-brains, abortive, rooting hogs actually listen to themselves? Probably not, or else they would want to stick screwdrivers into their ears until blood gushes out of their diarrhea-spewing mouths – I know that’s what I want to due.

When logic starts to fail them, they turn to the constitution. “The Second Amendment says blah blah blah”… It also says we need militia to keep states free. Other than a few nut-case redneck hicks who think John Deer gear is a uniform, have you met your local militiaman? My right to “bear arms shall not be infringed”? Great, I want a bazooka and a tactical nuclear weapon. I can’t have one? Why not? Oh… because the Founding Fathers never envisioned a world with automatic weapons and hydrogen bombs? If the law said we could own single firing, muzzle loading muskets that don’t have replaceable parts, I might be ok with “From my cold dead hands”… I could strangle the old fart before he could reload.

The real problem that my friend on the right here don’t understand is that saying we can all have guns and use them on each other sends a message across our society that goes something like this “That TV set in your hands is worth more to me than your life, see you in hell” and that’s only one step away from “You bullied me so, see you in hell.”

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

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