I see the talking heads screaming for gun control. The Virginia Tech shootings have dragged out those god-awful idiots who make the Democratic party look like sniveling, opportunistic, pussies – That’s right Rosie O’Donnel, I’m talking to you. Continue Reading

In the wake of the April 16th shootings at Virginia Tech, gun control advocates and critics all came out to present their political argument on why this tragedy is a perfect example of why their opinion is the right one. Well, you know what they say about opinions: they’re like assholes, everyone has one, and they all stink. Continue Reading

BLACKSBURG, VA – Accusations of professional and college sports being fixed and previously arranged have finally been confirmed. The quest towards supremacy in college athletics in the upcoming 2007-08 NCAA seasons is officially underway as multiple major universities continue to endure shocking tragedy after tragedy. Continue Reading

Danny Albertson: Here we are, back from the ancient, backwood lands of Kiln, Mississippi, and back in the cozy confines of the luscious Lush For Life Headquarters in Tampa. I am once again blessed to have the luxury of spending a few small moments with none other than the one and only, the Immaculate Brett Favre. Continue Reading

LOS ANGELES – Critically acclaimed writer/director Quentin Tarantino made an announcement, Tuesday, regarding the new film he will produce in the upcoming months. Tarantino’s announcement to Lush For Life came via a live video feed Tuesday morning following an all-night Cristal and finger-slicing binge with Lush For Life correspondent Arthur Rocks and filmmaker colleague Robert Rodriguez. Continue Reading

DETROIT – After an unprecedented number of Major League Baseball games during the first week of the 2007 season were cancelled due to a variety of cold and inclement weather , suspicions arose at the Lush For Life Headquarters regarding the true reason for the cancellations. Continue Reading

STREETSVILLE, ON – The recent string of pet food poisonings which has lead to the death of many North American cats has left the pet-lovers’ community shocked and terrified.
Menu Foods Income Fund, the holding company that owns the suspected brands, has recalled all of their wet pet food products in an attempt to quell the loss of life. Speculation is abounding as to the source of the poison in the popular pet brands – everything from gluten from China to misused pesticides have been accused of killing kitties across America. In a stunning revelation, Lush For Life has uncovered that this is one of the only examples of a greedy corporate giant actually not being responsible for its dangerous product. The real origin of the noxious nosh: the Biker Mice From Mars. Continue Reading

Barrack Hussein Obama’s great, great, great grandfather, Falmouth Kearney, came to the US from Ireland in 1850, and suddenly Obama has a new card in the hunt for the vote of Irish-blooded Americans.
Coincidentally, the four-yearly Cricket World Cup has been creating a frenzy amongst billions of people worldwide, and the action has been happening in the Caribbean.
Now concentrate, because this gets very fishy, very quickly. It’s St Patrick’s Day, 2007, and a cricket match is taking place. Ireland is playing Pakistan. Continue Reading

BRISTOL, TN – NASCAR’s newly designed “Car of Tomorrow” not only provides drivers with a restored confidence in safety, but also appears to be destined for much more notoriety outside the universe of left-turn racing. Following his final victory lap at the 2007 Ford City 500 at the Bristol Motor Speedway, driver Kyle Busch applauded the performance of the newly debuted “Car of Tomorrow” he drove towards victory.
“This sumbitch is a hog beast,” Busch said, waiving the victorious checkered flag. “Everyone should drive one these bastards (because) they’re so good.” Continue Reading