Surge For Victory


WASHINGTON – President Bush has asked the American people to give his troop-surge plan time to work. Although sending in 20,000 extra troops may seems like W’s most retarded plan since he tried to save on laundry bills by wearing his underwear on the outside of his clothes, a White House source has informed Lush For Life that this troop increase is a small part of the President’s broader strategy.

As the Iraqi civilian death toll reaches about 60,000, and this number continues to rise rapidly, our source divulged exactly what it is that Bush is attempting. “Operation Clean Slate” is designed to slowly kill every Iraqi… ever. The President hopes that once the insurgents, and American boo-boos, kill all of the Iraqi citizens, the insurgents will be much easier to knock off. When the country’s population reaches zero, George Walker Bush will implement what we are told is his greatest plan to date.

After some much needed landscaping, the president will transport all the minorities, gays, and liberals to the new country, which we are told will be named “The United State of Jesus.” The flag will be changed to the Southern Cross, and the national anthem will become “Shine Jesus Shine” – a favorite of the President’s. Bush is certain that most of the gay population can be straightened out in about three weeks, and the other citizens will probably land up in Hell anyway, but at least they won’t make America look bad.

Unfortunately, the President doesn’t have much time left in the White House, and this is why he has sent in the extra troops. The surge appeases some critics and makes the rest look like they’re troop-hating, terrorist-hugging dickweeds who substitute Old Glory for toilet paper. But, essentially, the troops are there to speed up the death rate. With orders to quietly increase “civilian casualties”, these extra soldiers are certain to ensure that the President’s vision is realized.

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One Response to “Surge For Victory” Subscribe

  1. Duncan Idaho March 28, 2007 at 12:52 am #

    Good – an America with all those US-haters gone is the America I want to live in!

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