Do The Right Really Think The Left Is Evil?


I’m a troop-hating, flag-burning, terrorist-loving, communist hypocrite – and although I only recently discovered this, I know it to be true because I heard it on a Clearchannel radio show. It’s not just me, either; it’s everyone who’s not a card-carrying member of the Republican Party. One of these days, Mark Levin’s whiney, girlish voice, so lovingly-laced with insanity, is going to drive me to break my teeth with my steering wheel. At least Rush is a few octaves lower.

So, I don’t vote Republican, I don’t go to church, I think global warming might be real, I believe that all human beings should be treated with some sort of dignity, and I’m sure the war in Iraq was the dumbest decision this country’s made since letting a guy who couldn’t run a business run a country. Apparently, these things all make me closer to Osama Bin Laden than to the average American. Are they serious? Do the always-right righties really believe that I am basically evil for saying I don’t like people needlessly dying? Let’s look at some of the rhetoric:
It was quite a shock to discover that I was un-American, considering I am not particularly self-loathing. But Levin says he’s right (correct) about everything, so it must be true. Accusing people of being anti-American, unpatriotic assholes is not a new tactic. Those opposed to segregation in the late ‘50’s were called haters of America. Those who thought the McCarthy trials where a little over the top were called unpatriotic, and people who spoke out against the Vietnam war were called treasonous. Am I really strengthening the enemy’s resolve by saying our troops should come home? Is it un-American to not say what you believe is right, no matter how left it is? I say that it would be un-patriotic to shut up and swallow every line handed to you – if those troops are really there “dying to protect our freedoms” then they should appreciate the fact that I fully intend to use those freedoms by writing this.
Call me a flag burner… never burned one yet, and no plans to do so, however, flag burning in the United States has never really been understood. To burn one’s own flag in one’s own country is an incredibly powerful statement about the country you live in. It means you live in a country that allows individual expression to the point where you make others feel uncomfortable – a free country, one that wouldn’t tap your phone and lock you away without a trial. I might have burnt one eight years ago, but not now – I’d be too afraid.
Call me a communist… well, socialist would fit my philosophical ideology a little better, but we’re not dealing with the brightest here.
Call me a supporter of terrorism…. well, I do pay taxes… but if you’re talking about brown people blowing stuff up – no. I don’t support anyone blowing anyone else up – that’s why I’m a liberal (that, and I have a brain).
The latest amazing stream of steaming feces spilling from these talk show host’s mouths is, however, my favorite: “If you believe in global warming, and you are not a vegan, you are a hypocrite.” Now, if you’re scratching your head, thinking: “In the words of the Virgin Mary, ‘Come again?’” you’re not alone. Let me see if I got this straight: Cows add more to global warming than cars do (not by much, but they do), so if you eat anything that is an animal product, you are a hypocrite.
If there is any clearer example of the right ‘not getting it’, then I haven’t seen it. People with half a brain look at the situation and do the best they can. So when that study comes out, you eat a little less beef than you used to. You keep your eye out on the next hybrid car coming out and you try and do a little recycling. Not because you are 100% sure that global warming is real – the right thinks that issues are based on belief, and that we BELIEVE these things. No, they are possibilities that we are prepared to entertain.
Even if all those silly scientists are wrong and are just trying to screw you (not sure how), I don’t care. I’ll try to be a better person based on the possibility of it helping – it can’t hurt, whereas not doing anything may. You can do more? Great! But if everyone was a little like you, the world would have just a little more of a chance.

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Mr. Idaho is the Managing Director of Lush For Life. When he's not running the business and writing, he enjoys playing golf at St. Andrew's in Scotland, and supervising the development of his family's winery, "Dread God Vineyards", in South Africa. During the summer months, he resides on board his luxurious full-sized yacht off the coast of Hong Kong, snorting cocaine off the breasts of $10,000 female escorts while further developing his off-shore contacts with Japanese and Chinese businessmen.

3 Responses to “Do The Right Really Think The Left Is Evil?” Subscribe

  1. s.dance April 3, 2007 at 6:05 pm #

    good luck with all that.

  2. Bocaj September 5, 2007 at 12:31 pm #

    I could’nt agree with you any more…
    Just the other night on ‘Real time with Bill Maher’, John Mellencamp, I believe, stated that we, the united states, needed more ‘naive’ people….
    Its them that got us in this mess in the first place…
    aside from the religious aspect of that remark, that is not our answer.
    Keep up the good work.

  3. Duncan Idaho September 5, 2007 at 3:46 pm #

    Well thanks mate. Why don’t you submit us a story with your views on the subject?

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