Debunking Darwin


LYNCHBURG, VA – With the discovery of the Microraptor gui, archeologists have attempted to fill in another evolutionary gap. But the excitement surrounding the world of paleontology has come crashing to a halt. Dr. Henry Rachling, a professor at Liberty University, has made a critical discovery.
After years of investigation, Dr. Rachling has discovered a vast network of scientists with the primary function of fabricating fossil matter. Rachling claims that this group goes under the covert title, “The Organization for the Furtherment of David Hasselhoff’s Music.” Rachling says that the group has members throughout the world, although there is a dense concentration of these people in Germany. The professor also insists that these scientists are funded by the “secular left.”
Rachling obtained concrete evidence when he received a tip and sent an undercover graduate student, for extra credit, to a Hasselhoff concert. The student discovered that the group of evolutionary scientists meets at every location where the “Baywatch” star performs. The more devoted members are in Hasselhoff’s band so that they can attend every meeting. After winning the scientists’ trust, the student was able to tape their conversation, which Rachling now has.
“The primary goal of these people is to plant Darwinistic evidence, and then to retrieve it in an attempt to further their secular, anti-Christian agenda,” says Rachling. “We now have evidence that evolution is a lie, the earth was in fact created four thousand years ago, and we were made in God’s image.”
“The conversation on the tape details the plans for a new underground fossil-manufacturing factory,” the Professor continued. “Each fossil is made, aged, planted, and then discovered by one of these scientists.”
Dr. Rachling reported his findings to the university’s founder, Jerry Falwell, and Pastor Falwell found time between snacks to be enraged.
“Vindication!” Falwell screamed at his weekly sermon. “Some said that the Lord planted these “fossils” to test our faith. Now we know that it was indeed these Christ-hating pagans.”
Although Falwell went on to also blame gays and minorities for the conspiracy, the overall reaction of his colleges and fellow worshippers is clear. Now the Evangelical community knows for certain that they are better than everyone else.

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