Conspiracy Involving BCS, Williams, Uncovered


TEMPE, AZ – Following a week of surprising events within the football universe, including a number of unexpected upsets, bizarre happenings, and of all things – a death – the validity of what is being witnessed has been called into question by our gifted investigative team here at Lush For Life Headquarters.  Certain suspicions have risen as result of our investigators reviewing hours of game tape as well as all-night shifts of undercover investigative work, which may or may not have included one or more instances of illegal break-ins and/or document shredding sessions.  We’ve pulled our demented litter of perverted chimps out of the basement at headquarters and put them to work – and we’re using all of our manpower to get to the bottom of this ongoing and peculiar situation that is the Bowl Championship Series.
Following the finale of the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, LA – which featured an overwhelming victory for LSU by the score of 41-14 over media favorite and BCS darling Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Lush For Life investigators began their grind.  After witnessing several examples of obvious favoritism for ND exhibited by officials calling the game, this reporter, along with a sect of talented young investigators, decided to dig into the game a little deeper.
As a reporter for a notorious left leaning and heavily critical news outlet, maneuvering yourself through the hordes of security personnel present at a nationally televised Bowl Championship Series college football extravaganza can be dauntingly troublesome.  After flashing phony credentials and a shiny smile to an armed, oversized security guard, I managed to make my way to the Superdome service elevator, leading me to the basement and the most secure section of the massive reconstructed facility.  A janitor on duty was able to shed some light on what he had witnessed on the secured ground level.
“I seen some old codgers [and] some society types, coming and going all night to and from that room,” the janitor said, pointing to a discrete steel door over in the corner of the room.  “Some screamin’ and yellin’ beens comin’ from in there every time them LSU boys do anything right.”
Upon further investigation that involved some payoffs in the form of cold cash and other unnamed and hard to find chemicals and substances, more clues became uncovered and the story began to take shape.
“Not many people know this, and I probably shouldn’t be telling you, but those guys in that room are controlling everything,” an employee of the NCAA who overlooks the school selection process of the BCS.  “A lot of shady stuff is going down behind that steel door.”
The source, who asked to remain anonymous, informed this reporter that the men behind the steel door located in the basement of the Superdome that night not only attempt to control every aspect of college football, but have constructed elaborate plans that are executed within the games played to ensure their desired outcomes come to fruition.  One example of the illegal meddling included a scientific experiment conducted on all the officials calling all the games in the Bowl Championship Series.
“The officials were taken to an underground lab located in the heart of the Moab desert,” the source said.  “A surgical procedure was performed on them, making it possible for the men in that room to force [the referees] to throw penalty flags against their will.”
According to the source, the brains of the college football officials calling the games in the BCS were rewired to involuntarily pull a penalty flag from their pocket and throw it when a wireless electronic signal interferes with their synaptic brain waves.  This process, according to the source, allows these meddling men to indirectly control the outcomes of all games.  This is well documented throughout the LSU-ND game, with the obvious favoritism shown by the officials for ND in the early going of the Sugar Bowl.  Their plans were not achieved, however, as the Fighting Irish were overmatched by LSU even with the assistance of the modern miracles of science.
Upon further investigation, the men behind the steel door are members of an underground secret society consisting of Catholic Associated Press writers who control the AP Poll that ranks college football teams, and heavily influences the BCS rankings.  They reportedly conduct meetings reminiscent of Roman senate hearings, divided into different groups of left and right leaning opinions, with old men wearing togas screaming at the top of their lungs.  Though this secret society is powerful and massive in size, most of their objectives this bowl season have come up short, resulting in harsh repercussions.
With Boise State winning the Fiesta Bowl over Oklahoma and ending their season undefeated on January 1, the validity of the BCS took a major hit.  Having an undefeated team from a non-major conference proposes serious problems for the BCS, and will challenge the stronghold these writers have on the game of college football.  BSU head coach Chris Petersen offered his comments regarding the presence of the secret society.  “I was approached by a group of men,” Petersen said, “powerful men who offered me an ultimatum.  I told them I will not have ultimatums put towards me and we were going to win our game, regardless of their interests.”
Many members of the football world, college and professional alike, have been outspoken critics of the BCS, instead favoring a playoff system for college football similar to all other American sports.  Recently deceased Denver Broncos defensive back Darrent Williams was a playoff advocate, and was slated to conduct an interview regarding the issue with ESPN analyst Michael Irvin scheduled to air on this Sunday’s NFL Countdown broadcast.  Before Williams was able to participate in the interview, he was gunned down early Monday morning in Denver, reportedly from a gang related drive-by shooting.
“He was going to talk about college ball and the need for a playoff system,” Williams’ agent Jeff Griffin said to Lush For Life correspondent Arthur Rocks.  “There’s no doubt in my mind that this secret society is behind his death.  How else do you explain the lack of media coverage of his killing?”
As both our gifted investigative team and our litter of methamphetamine-addicted perverted chimps uncover more examples of Catholic meddling in college football, L4L will report to you all the disturbing findings.

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