Al Qaeda Abducts Key Player In Iraq Conflict


WASHINGTON – As Washington seethes with plans to find a way out of the Iraq debacle, Al Qaeda has struck its own blow at the U.S.

In its first major operation on American soil since 9/11, Al Qaeda operatives infiltrated the perimeter of the White House and abducted George W. Bush’s staunchest supporter.

Barney, the First Dog, was seized by masked men at 7:09 a.m. yesterday, as he took his morning “tinkle” in the Rose Garden.

The President is said to be devastated. All executive business is on hold and Josh Bolten, White House Chief of Staff, is refusing any access to the Nation’s CEO, unless it relates to the current crisis.

There have been scenes of chaos at Dulles International Airport, with departure delays of up to nine hours. All traveling pet cages have been thoroughly searched, and one White West Highland Terrier had his fur plucked out in several places, to ensure that he was not Barney with a bleach job.

His owner, a diminutive lady armed with a wickedly effective purse, was arrested for assaulting the security officer who hurt her dog. As she was led away, she announced that she was emigrating to Canada, because “at least torture is not sanctioned by the Cannucks!”

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying, “Well this just goes to prove that we need women in charge. The President said that he had prevented future terrorist attacks, and now we have a disaster on our hands.”

Senator John McCain pointed out that this was just another reason to surge troops into Iraq. He also called for all dog lovers to join the Army and the Marines, to die for their country, and to vote for him.

Rush Limbaugh denied that Al Qaeda was behind the dognapping. “It was Michael J. Fox,” he said. “He’s just at that stem cell thing again. This is about making people think how nice it would be to clone their pets.”

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran is apparently writing President Bush a long letter advising him on better pet care. It seems that he has a very wide range of areas of expertise, which he is willing to share with the American people.

Miss Beasley, the First Family’s other Scottish Terrier, has apparently not eaten since Barney was abducted. The First Lady tried to feed her chopped chicken livers with her own fingers, but she merely whined sadly, and curled up in a corner.

Even though the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists, sources inside the White House have already stated that the nation will make an exception in this case. The prospect of Barney being displayed on Al Jazeera would be more than this nation could bear.

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2 Responses to “Al Qaeda Abducts Key Player In Iraq Conflict” Subscribe

  1. Duncan Idaho January 20, 2007 at 1:42 pm #

    Boy needs some bling fo’ his tooths!

  2. Egbert Sousé January 22, 2007 at 1:57 am #

    What?!

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