Lush For Life

“OXFORD, UK – Two new discoveries have been made deep in the oak forests of England. Number one: there are no more oak forests. Number two: there is new evidence to suggest that even 5000 years ago, the world had to deal with lawyers. The discovery was made during an archaeological dig near the City [...]

“PLANO, TX – These days, life at the Clarke residence is much more hospitable than it used to be, thanks in large part to a new series of Mac commercials which humorously differentiate between Mac and PC platforms. Reginald Clarke, a forty-nine year old accountant, said that until he’d seen the commercials, he’d often fought [...]

LONDON – The ambassador of Japan to Great Britain, Mr. Guijin Kusai, came to confess all at the London headquarters of Lush For Life. Kusai looked like an agitated octopus as he floundered about the reception area while he waited to be sent up to my office on the 52nd floor. I stood up as [...]

OMAHA – As the days of fear and reckoning expand outwards on a United States people filled with dread and anxiety of terrorist attacks, tainted water, and smoggy air, the number of hallucinogenic flashbacks has increased amongst hippies and philosophers alike.   Camera salesman Burt Langolier of Blitz Camera in Omaha experienced a psychedelic freak [...]

“Shock, outrage, venom spewing political correctness – just a few of the principles that America has come to value, as demonstrated by the mass denouncement of Michael Richards (formally Seinfeld‘s Kramer). Have we really gone so far as a society to not appreciate a good outburst from a half-crazed comedian? Have we all been so [...]

“Rupert Murdoch has decided that we won’t have to watch O.J. Simpson explaining how he might have murdered Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. With television special, “”If I Did It””, dead, and the book deal ditto, Mr. Murdoch has actually apologized to O.J.’s victims’ families. Mr. Murdoch also, surprisingly, told Lush For Life that he [...]

“NEW YORK – Conservative god Mark Levin, referred to as F. Lee Levin by fellow RNC suck-up and hypocrite Rush Limbaugh, was caught in a toilet stall at Yankee Stadium giving fellatio to a thirteen-year-old mongoloid on Tuesday, according to a NYPD insider. Bill Sterling, who wished to remain anonymous, made the report, but not [...]

“PHILADELPHIA – Further inquiry conducted by the Lush For Life investigative staff has revealed new startling answers to the cause of the recent knee injury sustained by Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb on November 19. McNabb sustained a complete tear to his medial collateral ligament – an injury that will require eight to twelve months [...]