Man Tasered After ‘Rudeboxing’ Cop

“BANNER-ELK, NC – An unidentified motorist is in the hospital tonight, recovering from possible neurological damage after a routine traffic stop turned violent.

The deputy involved in the case, Jerry Hicks, described the motorist as wiry and “”hopped up”” on something.

“”It was just weird,”” said Hicks. “”He had that shiny jacket zipped all the way up above his chin, and he kept doing this thing with his arms, kind of like he was a mime making a box, but then all of a sudden, he did this wave motion.””

Hicks asked the motorist to kill the motor and step of the car. The motorist did not heed the deputy’s orders and instead mumbled something about rocking “”the three stripes, and not the Asics.””

“”And when he finally stepped out of the car,”” Hicks added, “”He kept shaking, like he was grooving to some music or something; I don’t know. I moved to pat him down and he said, ‘You “”rudebox”” me and I’ll “”rudebox”” your crew’. I didn’t really know what that meant, but I thought it was a threat. So I tazered him. He said, ‘Why you so nasty?’ And then he fell and jittered a bit, but I think it was mainly an aftershock of that breakdancing the kids do these days””

When asked about the possibility of misconduct or brutality, the county sheriff, Shepp O’Connell, shrugged and replied: ‘Well, it’s not like Hicks shot him, or anything. The kid just got a good jolt. Serves him right, too. That shows you to be rude to a cop.’

O’Connell also didn’t know whether or not the term ‘rudebox’ constituted a threat, but nevertheless stood behind his deputy. ‘He had to make a judgment call, and that’s what he did. Now, like I said, the boy’s not dead.’

The motorist apparently got the term ‘rudebox’ from Robbie Williams’ similarly named hit single, ‘Rudebox,’ which was released in 2006. Williams’ album was in the motorists’ dashboard CD player at the time of the incident.

Although it is unclear from the song what exactly the term ‘rudebox’ signifies, it is clear that Williams uses the term interchangeably, whenever he needs a chorus line.

The unnamed motorist remains in stable condition, and no charges have been pressed as of yet.

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