KKK, Inc. Serves Katrina Insurers Well

“CRAGFORD, AL – As L4L‘s loyal readers no doubt know, L4L revealed earlier this year that Aetna has partnered with KKK, Inc. to program their software and telecommunications systems.

When our roving reporter Chris Burke followed up this story, a KKK programmer boasted: “”You need a graduate degree, first-rate administration skills, the staying power of a camel, and balls like a bull elephant to get your due from Aetna, given the systems we have put in place. And of course, you had better be white and English speaking.””

She laughed. “”Fighting for your full benefits will break all but the strongest hearts or wills. Second-language English speakers give up, and blacks and Hispanics are more likely to die of heart failure or stress diseases than to get their payouts.””

Passing Burke a crystal flute of Piper-Heidsieck, the programmer, Lois Faumalyfe, expanded on the way KKK, Inc.‘s shares continue to feed the DOW, and how KKK clients are openly expressing satisfaction with their 00VRS software products and services.

These include several insurance companies involved in the Katrina disaster. New studies show that homeowners in black neighborhoods have been three times more likely to give up their claims than those from white neighborhoods, in the face of KKK strategies.

L4L checked with some of KKK’s success stories:

’The blacks got tired,’ said Doretha Kitchens, 58. She and her husband, Roy, live in the overwhelmingly black Lower 9th Ward, and made call after call to their insurer, always ending up on hold. Finally, they crawled away with $34,000 in damages, instead of the $120,000 to which they were entitled.

Aloyd Edinburgh, aged 75, also of the Lower 9th Ward, received $35,000 of the $85,000 his policy was worth, and a pirated copy of the Rolling Stones’ original recording of ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’.

Louisiana Insurance Commissioner Jim Donelon stated that efforts were made to help, with websites and a toll-free number, but ‘the message does not get to everyone.’ Officials admitted that ‘victims slip through the cracks.’

Lois explained: ‘KKK, Inc. also had the contract for those ‘efforts to assist’. We set up the ‘helpful’ websites and the toll-free number. The joke was that the minority groups had no Internet or even telephone access, or they were in Houston, or something. And we gave the Commissioner ‘preferential pricing’ to avoid feeling that we had a conflict of interests. At KKK, that means we add an extra 45%.’

Memories of the KKK are strong in the South, and KKK, Inc. is making sure that they stay alive and well.

And very, very profitable.

Comments

comments

Tags: ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

“Men’s Health” Ranked Worst Magazine In The US

Tampa – With recent criticism for its nonsensical “Frown Town” article about the saddest cities in America, which placed St. […]

RIM To Release Crackberry Standard And Pro

crackberry

This week has seen some of the most exciting developments in recent memory for many mobile phone journalists and enthusiasts. […]

“Tase Me, Bro!” Says Sadomasochistic USF Student

TAMPA, FL − University of South Florida student Jay Myers, 22, was arrested and Tasered on Monday night by University […]

Danny’s Sports Box

No Bull… To the delight of thousands of USF fans, the South Florida Bulls football team, which has entered only […]

Patriots Receive White House Support

FOXBORO, MA – The New England Patriots, after recent sanctions levied against them for spying on the New York Jets […]