Inside L4L Headquarters

“What follows are the minutes of a high level LushForLife meeting held at M.I.6 headquarters in London on November 8th, 2006

“”Saddam has done a great job, everyone, and we, the United Countries in the interest of freedom and democracy must thank him for his loyalty to the cause. Those of you who have been kept in the loop since Saddam went into deep cover will already be aware that before coming to power he was a loyal servant of the CIA, ready to knock off anyone on the American hit list at the drop of a veil, in return for support with his political campaign and coupe attempt. The Kuwait invasion was, of course, well planned by the CIA, who guided the course of action for the war against the US.

“”Finally, after many years of good service, he has reached the end of his tour of duty. If, tonight, you here decide that it is better he die a martyr and so further alienate the already warring Sunni and Shi’a death squads that already walk the beat in Baghdad to further violence and destruction and eventually civil war, then so be it. If, however, ladies and generals and various levels of intelligence staff are prepared to be bold, then take a minute to mull over my plan for Saddam.

“”Let’s set him free. Let’s set up a black-op black bag covert level 53 mission. If you will, look at the prepared dossier in front you ladies and generals. Inside, you will find six photos and vital statistics of the elite team that we at LushForLife have put together for this prison break operation.

’First up and team leader – me. That’s right, this project is my puppy and I get to call the shots on this one. Next, we have Wolverine, since he is shorter than me, and is pretty good in a fight as well as knitting competitions. In at number three is Professor James Lovelock, the creator of Gaia Theory and Daisy World. The Prof is coming along as I have never had the chance to ask him a few challenging questions about his work and this seems as good a chance as any. I will also require his knowledge of Atmospheric Gas Ecology, so we will be able to knock out all the guards in the complex at the same time. The Ghost of Hunter S. Thompson will be on spooking duty and will be writing the classified report of the mission.

’I was hoping that the other writers at LushForLife were also going to bring their vast skill set to this little project but it seems that if they are not incapacitated by high levels of angel dust in Tampa, then they are rolling cigars in Havana. However, ‘Gale Storm’ has offered to put in a few hours of tech support for the mission in between rounds of golf and breaks for salmon sashimi. Thanks very much for your support, Gale; your advance is in the numbered account as promised.

’The final member of the team – another hardliner for our cause – Osama Bin Laden. As you all know, Osama was the brightest and best explosives expert at the CIA Academy. There is no one to match such an artist with plastique, so we are lucky he has accepted this mission.’

’Why, you may ask, should we undertake such a dangerous mission? Well, apart from the fact that Saddam has been a loyal reader of LushForLife since our humble beginnings, I can’t, in all fairness, see him hang. I am after all, from England, and, as Tony Blair said yesterday, we Brits don’t agree with the death penalty. This is a matter of conscience for me; one that the team has supported all the way. The British Government can and will back the US in all the regime change, red flag operations, and general spookery that we all know and love, but us Brits will not allow a mass murderer to be hanged with our seal of approval. The only honorable thing to do is break him out and put him in the witness protection programme.

’All in favor of this planned action say ‘aye’……………….’

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