American Troops Are, Indeed, Under-Educated

“America’s troops, vigilant and brave they may be, are, generally, under-educated, yet this fact is being disputed by Commander-in-Chief George “”Dubya”” Bush blindly, as if the act of being in America’s military automatically makes one a well-read scholar of all of life’s intricate and complex philosophies.

I dispute this so-called fact, however, not based on statistics, admittedly, but on sheer common sense.

More often than not, an American with opportunities will not be inclined to throw himself into the arms of a multi-headed beast, intent on destroying all young, sad, desperate American souls it can come across.

The average volunteer is only eighteen, right? That makes him, at best, a high school graduate, right? Whatever his potential may have been, he is, by definition, under-educated.

Just because “”Dubya”” considers a good education a fifth-grade reading level and logic guided strictly by the hand of God does not make it so. As a matter of fact, it makes it just plain wrong. And dumb.

If you are in Iraq, and you have the ability to read this: congratulations. But I can tell you a couple of things about yourself, right now.

You are, most likely:

∑ Not a university graduate

∑ Of a lower-class upbringing

∑ A sadist

∑ A masochist

∑ A racist

∑ Delusional

∑ Republican

You probably fit into at least six of those categories. Your bunkmate does, too. And we didn’t even have to do a poll.

It stands to reason, of course, that you are incredibly brave, as well, but as I understand it, brave don’t mean smart, boy. And you don’t need to be.

All of that said, America’s soldiers do not need to be incredibly bright. As a matter of fact, I prefer them to be as dumb as bags of hammers, and the smarter individuals to stay behind and cure cancer and AIDS and make a more fuel-efficient car and better TV screens and write better novels and direct better films.

America’s soldiers are under-educated, yes, but, God damn it, that’s they way it should be!

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