Truth Serum Administered To High-ranking Officials

LONDON – can exclusively reveal that a new and highly effective truth serum has inadvertently been given to many British officers. Army doctors, who wished to remain anonymous, told that the potent truth formula earmarked for express delivery to Guantanamo, Cuba was mistaken as a party stash of ketamine and MDMA that they were saving for an all night rave that the top brass in the army enjoy on a regular basis.

Since that now infamous party which rocked the foundation of the Army and British politics, officers have been beating down the door at So desperate is the need to tell the truth to the wider public that news outlets in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Britain have been harassed and harried by British officers that had attended that party and had inadvertently sniffed a line or two of the truth serum.

General Richard Dannatt, the first to blow the whistle and tell the truth, has really upset those whose main occupation is to curb the truth and mould it into something completely different. Tony Blair was outraged that someone who really knows what is going on in Iraq and Afghanistan was able to tell the world that our presence in Iraq was aggravating the war on terror. Tony Blair was heard to growl a lot and gnash his teeth before saying that he agreed with everything the General had said. The White House rang the hot line to London, screaming down the phone, “What the hell is going on over there?! Keep the ‘truth’ under wraps or we will have to wipe all of your minds with our new mind wiping serum, so there!”

Having already had my mind wiped a few times when I was a Ninja, I was not too bothered by the threats that were emanating from the White House. What was getting on my nerves was having to listen to the confessions of army colonels, majors, and sergeant majors. The British army is (or was) well respected for its professionalism, so I shall keep such disclosures of bed-wetting, homosexuality, preference for sheep, bizarre sexual preferences (more bizarre than sheep), theft, larceny, arson, murder, bullying, buggery, and cheating at billiards, a secret (I have high standards of reporting to up hold after all).

The future of British troops in Iraq becomes more and more tenuous as more and more “truth” is revealed by the men whose task was to push democracy and Coca-Cola onto a country that was more concerned with a good old fashioned civil war that they can’t wait to get started on. What we can all be sure about is that no troops will be pulled out before Tony Blair has left office, leaving whoever is to follow him to deal with the embarrassing step down required in recalling the most truthful army in history.



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