Snipes Shafts IRS For Fans

“TAMPA – Once well-known actor Wesley Snipes – who used to flaunt himself across the silver screen with a variety of kicks and karate slices in a number of second-rate super-awesome-action yarns – has found himself on the run from the IRS, indicted with eight counts of tax fraud on Wednesday morning, according to The Tampa Tribune.

The IRS claims that Snipes received a $7.3 million tax deduction in 1997, which was later declared illegal, and failed to repay the sum. Snipes has also failed to file taxes since 1999, according to the IRS – which is acting as a bold statement by Snipes to the government, according to Snipes’ publicist.

“”He feels that money should not go to the IRS,”” publicist Max Clifford said to correspondent Porcious Crank. “”He feels guilty about all of the things he’s done in his life,”” Clifford continued, “”and now that he is willing to right his wrongs, the IRS is trying to hold him down.””

According to an official statement released by American Rights Litigators’ founder Eddie Ray Kahn, who prepared Snipes’ tax forms and is currently in federal custody, Snipes’ reason for withholding the funds is his desire to repay every United States citizen the money they’ve paid to see the actor’s films spanning the last 15 years.

’His intentions are selfless,’ Kahn said in an interview with correspondent Arthur Rocks while both men were locked in solitary confinement below IRS Headquarters in Washington, D.C. ‘His goal is to repay all those poor souls who wasted their money on all of those films he now realizes were completely terrible.’

With films on his resume like White Men Can’t Jump, The Fan, To Wong Foo? , Demolition Man, and The Blade Trilogy, it’s hard to argue with Snipes’ claim.

’I owe the people of America and movie watchers everywhere a great deal,’ Snipes said in an over the phone interview from a payphone somewhere after he had gone missing. ‘I’m going to repay all of them, but for now, all I can say is ‘I’m Sorry’.’

In 1997, Snipes began his attempt to repay all of those who wasted their hard earned money to see Money Train. He had Khan, along with tax preparer Douglas P. Rosile Sr., claim that all of the films he had made prior to that year were not actually work, making all money earned not taxable. Though the films released by Snipes were technically trash and not considered real work by the average Joe, the legal perspective was quite different.

’It’s a conspiracy against the IRS, basically to harass the IRS, from doing its lawful job in term of collection of taxes,” US Attorney Paul I. Perez said at a news conference. ‘His films are awful, we agree, but he still owes us the money he earned.’

According to Snipes’ publicist, he will continue to stay out of the headlines and the eye of the law until his plan is successfully executed. Within the next several weeks, every legal resident of the United States will be receiving a check for $6.50 via US Mail, personally addressed to each person and signed by Snipes, in his attempt to heal the wounds all the people who’ve struggled through his awful films have endured over the course of his career.



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