NY Yankees And Al Qaeda Join Forces

“NEW YORK – News of a joining of powers between the New York Yankees Major League Baseball team and international terrorist organization al-Qaeda became apparent, Wednesday, following a plane-crash into an upper Manhattan high-rise apartment building. The plane was flown by Yankees middle relief pitcher Cory Lidle, who died in the crash that was assigned to him by an active, anonymous al-Qaeda operative, according to Yankees Public Relations director Rick Cerrone.

The senior LushForLife.com investigative team discovered the apparent link between the Yankees and al-Qaeda during the first few hours following the plane-crash on 72nd Street on Wednesday afternoon. According to Senior Correspondent Arthur Rocks, the two sides joined forces following the September 11th attacks – for the dominating power the both the Yankees and team owner George Steinbrenner possess in the United States and New York City. Former al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, according to Rocks, is also a die-hard fan of the famed Bronx Bombers and, “”aside from blowing up the world for Allah, I’ve wanted to be a Yankee more than anything since I was a little boy,”” Bin-Laden said in streaming video interview with LushForLife.com correspondent Arthur Rocks from a posh, dainty salon while receiving a facial and a pedicure.

According to an anonymous source within the Yankees organization, LushForLife.com correspondent Rob Johnson reports that Lidle was assigned to fly his plane into the high-rise apartment on the Upper East Side by the al-Qaeda contact who works at Yankee Stadium. While the source assures that the terrorist organization’s primary goal remains dismantling the American establishment, the Lidle assignment was geared towards a backlash on the New York Mets. The plane was on path to smash into Mets President of Operations Saul Katz’s apartment, though missed his flat by two stories.

The failed attack was ordered by Steinbrenner, according to the source, and was designed to both keep the Mets out of the news – who had recently advanced in the playoffs while the Yankees were eliminated from playoff contention – as well as act as a message to the rival club: “”We are the team that counts in this town, this country, and the world, and they just don’t get it,”” Steinbrenner said.

“”The passing of Cory is unfortunate and is felt throughout both our entire organization and al-Qaeda,”” Cerrone said in a press conference. “”He was a fighter in every aspect of his life – not only as an enduring baseball player, but as a soldier of Allah as well.””

Though it is officially unclear why Lidle was the player selected to be sent on the Katz assassination mission, some people within the Yankee organization have offered their opinion and speculation.

’He was an insurance policy for us for the postseason,’ Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi said to LushForLife.com correspondent Porcious Crank. ‘Since we were eliminated, he really didn’t need to stick around anymore.’ Giambi went on, ‘You’ve got to respect the guy: when you get the orders, there’s no two ways about it. You’ve got to do your duty – It’s part of being a Yankee.’

’I was surprised that Cory was picked,’ shortstop Derek Jeter said. ‘Anyone in this clubhouse would gladly do what he did – taking it to the Mets. Sometimes there’s more to life than baseball, too, and George gets that, and so do we.’

Though it is unclear whether al-Qaeda or the Yankees are currently orchestrating another attack on the Mets, sources within the terrorist organization believe that Steinbrenner will select famed and maligned third baseman Alex Rodriguez on the next assignment.

’We don’t pick the messengers, so it’s hard to say,’ an anonymous terrorist and Yankee employee said to Porcious Crank. ‘I know George is looking for any reason to get rid of him.’

In other news, Yankees GM Brian Cashman was found inside Katz’s apartment, shuffling through Katz’s scouting and player development files. It is unclear whether there will be any legal ramifications or if Katz will press charges.

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