“MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – After devouring the popular Internet free-porn video site YouTube for $1.65 billion, on Monday, Google officials figured, “”Hey, fuck it,”" and bought everything else in the known cosmos, including the offices of LushForLife.com.
“”I don’t really know how much it’s actually going to change things, though,”" said me, Dr. Egbert Souse, in a telephone interview with myself. “”I mean, what’s the difference, anyway? Do you, like, feel any different?”"
Top executives at perennial brand recognized companies, such as Coca-Cola and Microsoft, were also not very impressed by the purchase.
“”It doesn’t really make sense,”" Richard Wagoner, CEO of General Motors, offered. “”If I had all of the money in the world, wouldn’t it be useless? What would the value of a dollar be then? Nothing, I tell ya.”"
Nothing I tell ya, indeed, as top unemployed philosophers also feel the same way.
Dr. Washington T. Booker, formerly of Bill’s Handy Repair and College, concurs with Wagoner’s statement, expanding on it as only philosophers can do: “”I agree.”"
Black Americans, also know as “”Children of Former Slaves,”" are up in arms at the transaction, as they feel they have been thrown back into the vicious cycle of “”b31ng 0wn3d”" and are already requesting reparations, including 40 megabytes of web space and a mule.
“”Shit, I could really use me a mule,”" one stereotyped black man stated in an interview conducted from a phone booth. “”And them forty megabytes, I could make a bitchin’ mutha fuckin’ web page about my grill, and then cultivate that into a well-meaning, self-perpetuating business to support myself and give back to the community from whence I came.”"
Incidentally, Google has declared bankruptcy, selling off shares of stock for less than 10 percent of projected price, and have announced the discovery of a money-hungry race of super aliens hell-bent on owning, of course, Google.
(Free stock tip: SELL – ed.)
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