Breaking The Constitution

The Military Commissions Act gives Mr. Bush what the U.S. Supreme Court greedily denied him: the right to do basically anything to anyone the Administration deems a terrorist, and ban Internet gambling… which makes total sense. Many Libs are screaming (though not too loudly) that this is a violation of the U.S. Constitution, completely missing the point that the Constitution is more like a set of guidelines rather than fixed rules. In a short opinion piece, I don’t really have time to go into all of it, but lets look at some of the Amendments and I’ll show you what I mean:

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, free speech, yadda yadda yadda. Well, that’s just silly. First of all, it’s illegal to threaten the President, scream fire in a crowed room (I’m not sure if that applies if the room is on fire though), and completely against the law not to wear any clothes in public. Also, the thing about religion is that the government gets to decide what is a religion and what’s not. Scientologists get no tax-exempt status, why should anyone else? Number 1, gone.

Amendment II

The right to bear arms? What a joke. I’m not allowed to own a nuclear weapon. The idea that my having a shotgun I bought from Wal-Mart will help if we ever need to overthrow the powers that be is just plain ridiculous. Even if an entire city of gun-toting rednecks tried to stand up to the US Military, they would be wiped out in a matter of minutes, so lets scrap number 2.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures… well, the Patriot Act took care of that one for me; don’t even need to logic it away.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, without due process of law. Boy! Bush made that one easy, now! It doesn’t say the person has to be a US citizen, but the Military Commissions Act changed all that… four down.

Amendment VIII

No cruel or unusual punishments, eh? Well I guess waterboarding is not that unusual anymore… 7’s gone.

Now, there’s a little bit a lull between this one and the next. I guess that’s because those are about giving the President powers… we wouldn’t want to take any away from the poor man, would we? But we continue:

Amendment XIII

Ooooh, a good one: Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. So you can’t punish someone without being duly convicted, hey? Well, we saw to that, didn’t we?

Amendment XVIII

No booze… well that didn’t last too long. Good thing, too, otherwise Georgie would have had to get rid of that one as well – the man likes a drink or eight every now and again: see college record and most executive decisions he’s made.

Amendment XIX

This one is probably going to stay, but I still think it was a bad idea giving women the vote.

So, at least seven are either silly, not used, or no longer applicable. Don’t you think it’s time to scrap them all and start fresh? Maybe get one of them new cool ones like Iraq’s got, where they get universal healthcare and whatnot. Sounds good to me.

Oh yeah, just one more:

Amendment XX

The terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January after four years. THANK GOD!



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